Summer Doldrums

Like any true Washingtonian, the months of July and August are dead to me. I am reduced to a sweaty, ill-tempered, frizzy-haired version of my normal self and am incapable of getting anything accomplished. Is it the heat? The D.C. humidity? The summer interns? No. My problem with these months is the lack of any good sports. Yes, there's baseball, but I just can't get into it night after night after night, and if I miss too many games, I feel disconnected and become unenthused. So what to do? I could concentrate on the offseason goings on for the NHL. Or the NFL. Or, in a pinch, the NBA. But as I've said, these things mean nothing to me. If it ain't happening on the field, as far as I'm concerned it ain't happening at all. Unless it involves drunken porn watching while driving and masturbating.

If you're like me, and are stuck with nothing to do but count down the days until the opening kickoff of the NFL, here's a list of things to do with your summer to kill the time:

- Start training to become a competitive eater. You'll probably be eating too many hot dogs anyway.

- Spend some time on YouTube. (This is only on the list as an excuse to pull out my current favorite television commercial.)

- One word: Kickball.

- Something I always enjoy is dressing up like an eskimo and walking around in the 90-plus degree weather and asking people "Hot enough for 'ya?" (Yes, I am aware that I am kind of a loser.)

- Spend some time shamelssly sucking up to other bloggers, hoping that they will link to your own blog. Works for me.

- Whatever you do, do not watch the MLS. I know you're still worked up about soccer after this year's World Cup, and I don't care. If soccer is "the beautiful game" then MLS is the ugly game that soccer brings with it to the bar to make it look better so guys will be more likely to buy it drinks.

(Siobhan's Note: I went to see DC United against Celtic FC and I have to say, I enjoyed the hell out of it. Small but very rabidly engaged crowd. Freddie Adu scored a beautiful goal after a hideous offside trap by Celtic, who, it appears brought their AAA squad to DC. I hadn't seen an MLS game in person since back in the day when my boy John Harkes played for DC United and they won the three of the first four MLS Cups. I might be hooked again. And don't forget Biff. Sometimes the plain girl at the bar with the beautiful dim one is more interesting - and will probably let you have butt sex with her....OK - that analogy just took an oddly disturbing turn.)

Anything you'd like to add? That's what the comments section is for.