Why do I need to know these things?

This (via Jaunted (via Deadspin)) is perhaps the strangest thing I've ever seen. As you read it, please keep in mind that, probably, at least five different people had to go through this and think that it was a good idea. Not to mention that someone had to actually sit down and come up with it all. Germans scare me.

(I will refrain from pointing out the comedic potential of the similarities between Pille the talking football, and Wilson the smiling volleyball from Castaway, because imagining Tom Hanks inside that lion suit is just more than I can handle at the moment.)