The Opossum-Palooza

Phed

2008-06-26T17:22:00.000-04:00

The Opossum-Palooza is on permanent hiatus.

A Little Dap For the Gators

2007-01-09T16:03:00.000-05:00

I don't really give a shit about the final BCS standings. Wake Forest stayed in the top 20, finishing higher than BC, Va Tech and Tennessee, all of which makes me happy, but still relatively unmoved as I look forward to ACC basketball (UVa ain't bad - I'll spend my time thinking about them in lieu of Wake).
But I tell you what does make me excited.
The fact that I won (ok - tied, but whatever) Awful Announcing's Bowl Pool. I got me a "Free Harold Reynolds" shirt and a chance to write a post at awfulannouncing.blogspot.com -- a site that gets (and I'm ballparking here) 120,000 times more hits than I do.
Now is the time to for the world to experience my singular, bourbon-fueled genius.
Shit -- what will I say? Can I talk about buttsex? Is it okay to swear?
I was called the Sybill of sports fans the other day by a friend for my seemingly random choices of teams to follow. Is that worth expanding on? Probably only if I can reference anal sex and use profanity.
In closing -- Thanks, Gators for beating the shit out of The Ohio State University so I don't have to hear more shit about them. And also so I get to win something.
Chomp, Chomp.

The Bears, Really?

2007-01-08T15:03:00.000-05:00

So over at the NFL site, there is a little questionnaire that helps you figure out whom to root for in the playoffs.
I got the Bears.
What a bunch of shit.
I can't cheer for the Bears. Period. End of story.
At least it didn't tell me to root for the Patriots, because as hot as he is, Tom Brady is dead to me for knocking out the Titans.
As much as it pains me, I'm gonna stick with the Seahawks, because Captain Caveman is the balls

I Fucking Hate Notre Dame

2007-01-03T19:22:00.000-05:00

It should be obvious to anyone who knows me that I don't really give a shit about either LSU or Notre Dame, but I have to draw the line here.

LSU has to win this game. If only so Lou Holtz will be put out to pasture, as he so rightly deserves to be.

Also, as I think more about it, I spent many, many drunken hours in the state of Louisiana and am looking forward to visiting again this Spring for Jazz Fest in New Orleans.

So, quick breakdown of tonight's game, actual football be damned: On the one hand, we have the team for which NBC was named apparently (The Notre Dame Broadcasting Company, anyone?). ON the other, we have a team whose fans appear to be a bunch of crazy, slightly dangerous, drunken, pseudo-French-speaking Cajuns.

I'm choking back the bile as I type this, but "Geaux, Tigers!"

Wake Forest Football - Believe It, Bitches

2006-12-21T13:01:00.000-05:00

Two posts in a row with profanity in the title. I'm pretty sure I can keep this up all the time. Maybe that'll be my 2007 Resolution: I hereby resolve to swear in the title of every O-P post...to make up for the fact that I can't swear in the fanhouse.
I just wanted really quickly to drag myself out of the Vince Young slurp-a-thon and give some love to the Wake Forest football team.
They're playing Louisville in the Orange Bowl on January 3rd, and even though they're 10-point underdogs right now, I'm still picking them to win (or at least cover). This is partially because the bourbon-flavored kool-aid from the Deacs may be a different color (black - spooky) than the Titans' brew, but has the same effect - unrepentant homerism. It's also because this is it for me and my Deacs and post-season play.
It's a truly topsy-turvy world -- the football team is playing respectably in post-season and the basketball team gets beat by the Air Force Academy.
Finally, Jim Grobe, Wake's football coach, won Coach of the Year, beating out Rutgers' Greg Schiano. I'm so goddamn proud of the Deacs.

Fuck You, Pro Bowl

2006-12-20T13:18:00.000-05:00

First, may I just say that I love having the freedom around here to drop the F-Bomb...and in a headline, no less.
Now on to the issue at hand.
Neither Vince Young nor Dreamboat Tom Brady are on the roster for the 2007 Pro Bowl, not even as reserves. Stupid fetus head Peyton Manning is starting and Carson Palmer and Philip Rivers will be acting as reserves.
I blame myself -- the votes are counted in thirds, including fans, player and coaches.
And you know the players ain't gonna vote for Dreamboat, they're jealous of all the mad trim that gets thrown his way on a regular basis.
Plus, my boy Vince Young is just such a goddamn bad ass that other players and coaches are just stone terrified of him.
So, I fell down on the job in this regard. I mean, if I can stuff the ballot box at deadspin to elect "Run you stupid fucking Dinosaur, run" I really ought to have gotten off my ass to vote for these two superstars.
I'm hereby cursing all three of the quarterbacks in the Pro Bowl, because if my boys can't play, then I don't want anyone to play.
So there

Sports Brawl Breakdown

2006-12-19T12:33:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but I just love this list of some kick-ass sports brawls.
Regarding Pedro vs Zimmer, I was in a bar in New York when it happened. A nice bartender took pity on me and let me out through the kitchen. Seriously.
Otherwise, I'm pretty sure that some drunk Yankees fans would have taken it out on me.
Maybe I shouldn't have been talking so much shit, but anyone who knows me is aware that I'm hard-wired to talk smack about sports. I cannot help myself.
Maybe some day I'll learn decorum when in the public forum.
Pfft - Not fucking likely.

Why Are the Yinzer Everywhere?

2006-12-18T09:56:00.000-05:00

So I went to my local bar to watch the Titans yesterday -- who, by the way, are 7-7. That's right the fucking Titans are playing .500 football. Believe it, bitches!
Anyway, as people know, I live in Washington, DC so I expected the Redskins-Saints game to be on the biggest of the large-screen TVs – as much as I hate them, the Skins are the home team, after all.
But no – a whole passle of Yinzers took over my bar and had their game on the big TV with sound. What a bunch of insufferable douchetards those Yinzers are. They actually still care about their head-injured QB and the rag-tag group of losers known as the Steelres. I gues I should give them credit but all I want to do is punch them in the face.
And here’s the deal, Pittsburghers. There is already a Yinzer bar on Capitol Hill – it’s called the Pour House and is my own personal version of hell. So don’t turn my perfectly good local tavern into some sort of adjunct Steelers outpost. We are just too decent for that sort of thing.

And that picture up there? Child abuse, pure and simple.

I'm Back - With Raging Lust for the Dreamboat

2006-12-15T10:05:00.000-05:00

Only the news delivered by my beloved fellow blogger Captain Caveman that Tom Brady is single again could get this screaming fangirl back on the blogger train. I've been spending most of my time writing about the Titans over at the aol fanhouse, but I think we all know that it ain't Vince Young that gets my knickers in a twist.
As cliche as it is, I do love me some Tom Brady. And now that he single again, I'm going to being "Operation Siobhan's Shock and Awe."
Not sure exactly what that entails yet, but I'll keep you posted.
Oh -- and look for pictures from my trip tp Kentucky (my native state) that include me with the world's biggest bat, me with fake Barbaro ("you cannot read this...") and me loving up on a barrel on Maker's Mark in typically classy Siobhan fashion.
Hooray, Bourbon!

Notes From a Night of Hockey - 11/27

2006-11-28T07:50:00.000-05:00

Detroit 2 - Dallas 1
Some nights, teams have trouble scoring on the power play. It's never a good thing, but it is bound to happen. Dallas, on the other hand, decided to take it one step further, allowing Detroit to score two shorthanded goals in the third period to lose the game. Said Dallas coach Dave Tippett "We just felt it was rather unfair for our team to have more players on the ice than the Red Wings, so to make up for it we decided to go easy on them during those stretches." (Note: Quote from Dave Tippett may be fabricated.)

Los Angeles 3 - New Jersey 2 (SO)
Going into the game, the Devils were averageing the fewest penalty minutes of any team in the league. Conversely, the Kings were getting more power play opportunities than anybody. Needless to say, the Devils scored two power play goals, both with Kings forward Brian Willsie in the box. Los Angeles, meanwhile, managed a power play goal as well to tie the score in the second period before Mathieu Garon shut out the Devils in the shootout.

Notes From a Night of Hockey - 11/26

2006-11-26T22:44:00.000-05:00

Buffalo 3 - NY Rangers 2 (OT)
In the battle for New York supremacy, the Sabres had the edge by virtue of a Chris Drury goal in the extra frame. "Battle for New York Supremacy", by the way, is a completely contrived way for me to try to make this game seem more interesting than it actually was. Half the time, I forget that Buffalo and the Big Apple are in the same country, let alone the same state. I once took a trip to Toronto, and at a rest stop on the Canadian side of the border, there was still a newspaper clipping hanging on the wall with a picture of Brett Hull's skate in the crease in 1999.

Anaheim 5 - Calgary 3
Remember Ilya Bryzgalov? The Anaheim Ducks certainly don't. After leading the then Mighty-in-name-only Ducks to the Conference championship, he's been pretty much a non-entity, playing second fiddle to J.S. Giguere's heartwarming comeback. Now, he's inactive with the ever-present "lower body injury" and with Anaheim in the second of back-to-back games, they turned to rookie Michael Wall. Needless to say, Bryzgalov wasn't missed.

Tampa Bay 3 - Ottawa 1
If the New York Rangers have taught us anything, it is that when you have no real viable option at goaltender, always go with the guy whose name has a "u" in disguise (Johan Holmqvist had 22 saves to lead the Lightning over the Senators). It is a little reported fact that one of Ken Hitchcock's first moves as the new coach of the Blue Jackets was to try and trade for Edmonton's Daniel Tjarnqvist, who, despite being, technically, a defenseman, has the added bonus of the silent "j".

It was bound to happen...

2006-11-26T12:25:00.000-05:00

If you have any sort of interest in the Washington Capitals, you are no doubt already aware of the fact that there are a good twenty or so blogs out there already devoted to the team, most of them top-notch establishments. It is for that very reason that I have refrained from setting one up in my own little corner of the Internet. With so many voices already talking, there probably isn't much I can add to the conversation. But the truth is, I have a lot to say, regardless of whether or not someone else has already said it.

Given that fact, and the fact that I am constantly endeavoring to keep this here Opossum-Palooza free of my overt biases and predispositions, I've finally given in and launched myself a little Capitals-centric blog. No, I'm not necessarily proud of myself for it. Frankly, I feel kind of dirty. But I am excited, especially since the nice folks at Google are letting me use the new Blogger Beta to put it together, meaning a much snappier look than we've got going on here at the O-P.

So head on over to The Kevin Hatcher Fan Club (Important Disclaimer: Not an actual fan club). In my first two days as an honest to goodness Caps blogger, I've already recapped some games, made my all-star picks and even revisited the issue of wider ice surfaces in the NHL, something I looked at here back in May. I hope you enjoy it.

Notes From a Night of Hockey - 11/25

2006-11-26T09:06:00.000-05:00

Nashville 6 - Detroit 2
The Predators took full advantage of the chance to wear their heinously ugly yellow sweaters, using them to distract and disorient the Red Wings en route to a convincing win. The Ugliest Uniforms In Sports now have a four point lead in the Central division.

Philadelphia 4 - Montreal 2
Don't look now, but the Flyers have put together back to back wins for only the second time all year. It is now only a matter of time before they catch up to the Islanders for the division lead. Or, you know, lose a whole lot of games again.

Atlanta 1 - Florida 0
Ten points to whoever can figure out which celebrity it is that Kari Lehtonen vaguely reminds me of, because it has been driving me nuts for months.

Other NHL Action
Columbus 5 - Minnesota 3
NY Islanders 4 - Washington 1
Boston 3 - Toronto 1
NY Rangers 2 - Pittsburgh 1 (OT)
Phoenix 2 - St. Louis 1
Colorado 4 - Vancouver 1
Los Angeles 3 - Calgary 1
San Jose 2 - New Jersey 0

Notes From a Night of Hockey - 11/24/06

2006-11-24T23:15:00.000-05:00

That's right. I'm back, and so are my mildly amusing, possibly nauseating NHL recaps. Have fun with them.

Toronto 7 - Washington 1
There was much euphoria in Caps Land after the melee that was the final minute and a half of Wednesday night's game. Lost in all the excitement, however, was the fact that punches, while often fun to watch, are neither an effective nor a legal method of propelling the puck into the opposing team's net. Sticks, as Toronto so ably demonstrated, are still the go-to implements. Fear not though. As ably predicted by yours truly, the Maple Leafs will have trouble scoring goals all year.

NY Islanders 3 - Pittsburgh 1
Islanders owner Charles Wang is insane. This has nothing to do, as near as I can tell, with the outcome of tonights game, its just good to know. Because apparently crazy is good on Long Island, where the local hockey team is riding high, winning five of their last seven and even nearly selling out the decrepit Nassau Coliseum. Rick DiPietro, for one night at least, made him look slightly less crazy, however, justifying his absurd contract by nearly shutting out the Crosby-less Penguins.

Minnesota 4 - Phoenix 0
Congratulations to Wild goaltender Niklas Backstrom, who, in addition to having virtually the same name as Capitals 2006 first round pick Nicklas Backstrom, recorded his first career NHL shutout, an exciting accomplishment. In all fairness though, the Coyotes really suck.

Philadelphia 3 - Columbus 2
The Ken Hitchcock era has officially begun in Columbus, so if you have any friends who happen to be Blue Jackets fans, you should probably keep them away from things like rope and sharp objects for a little while. As the Flyers fan sitting next to me at Verizon Center so keenly understated, "We're not too good this year." They are, however, good enough to beat their former coach.

Other NHL Action
Carolina 5 - Boston 1
Anaheim 4 - New Jersey 2
Ottawa 6 - Florida 4
St. Louis 3 - Detroit 2 (SO)
Montreal 2 - Buffalo 1 (OT)
Tampa Bay 3 - Atlanta 2 (OT)
Dallas 5 - Los Angeles 3
Edmonton 5 - Chicago 1

Donald Brashear Will Break Your Face

2006-11-22T22:31:00.000-05:00

Ted Leonsis, majority owner of the Washington Capitals, recently defended his team against allegations that it lacked any identity and was soft. That was yesterday. Apparently, Caps coach Glen Hanlon reads Ted's blog.

If you still think the Capitals are a soft team, I suggest you have a talk with Vitaly Vishnevski. I was going to make Vishnevski's name a link to a picture of his blood stained visage after his run in with Donald Brashear, but, sadly, I was unable to find one. Thusly, the joke is sort of lost. Rest assured, if you missed tonight's 4-2 Atlanta win, that Vishnevsky (for lack of a better term) got the shit beat out of him by The Donald, as did several other Thrashers. (By other Caps, I mean. Brashear is only one man.) The moral of the story? Do not fuck with the Washington Capitals.

As an aside: Hello, everybody. Nice to see you again. I have tomorrow off in honor of our Pilgrim brethren, and I intend to use that day to explain myself and my absence from this here blog. Assuming I don't end up passed out on somebody's couch. Or floor.

O-P Field Trip: Verizon Center

2006-10-14T23:38:00.000-04:00

As you may have noticed, I've been MIA the past week. A combination of a busy week at work and an inadequate Verizon DSL connection have conspired to keep you from experiencing my unique brand of humor. Or, at the very least, it's kept me from posting anything. To make up for it, I bring you this Very Special Entry: An officially sanctioned Opossum-Palooza Field Trip. (To find out how you can get your field trip sanctioned by the O-P, email opossum-palooza@hotmail.com.) This time around, the field trippers were myself and sometimes contributor DefDude. The occasion was Alex Ovechkin Calder Trophy (pictured) Tribute Night.

I could now go ahead and bore you with stories about the tribute ceremony (pointless photo-op followed by a pretty good video montage of Ovechkin's first season highlights) or stories of the game itself (a frustrating 4-3 overtime loss to the Atlanta Thrashers, for details go here), but I won't. Instead I will spend some time discussing the man in the Alex Ovechkin sweater sitting at the end of the row in front of us. We were lucky enough to be sitting in a section (430) with some most excellent Capitals fans who were knowledgable, funny and overall entertaining to be around. This man, however, was not any of those things. We knew we were in for some trouble when he was screaming at the people in front of him for moving to their seats while play was going on (fair point, but there are nicer ways of saying it than "Jesus, I paid good money for these seats! Sit the fuck down!"). He then proceeded to scream every single uninformed, ignorant thing you would expect to hear from someone who has almost no knowledge of the game. Whether it was trying to convince Alex Semin to shoot the puck (right before Semin made a gorgeous pass to Jamie Heward for a tap-in goal), or screaming at the Caps for not hitting more, the man could not have been any more obnoxious if he tried. The best part, however, was when, while play was still going, he pulled out his cell phone and started yammering away. The cell phone, of course, was decorated with a Number 8. No, not that number eight. That number eight. In an unfortunate turn of events, he also had a young boy of about eight or nine (whom I can only assume was his son) with him. They both left at the end of regulation, rather than stay and watch overtime.

But enough whining about the bad fans, let's get on with the pictures:

The view from our seats.

The commemorative coin. In very nice packaging.

DefDude, DefDude's unfortunate facial hair, and Alex Ovechkin's Calder Trophy.

What can I say? I was in a "take pictures of trophies" kind of mood.

Sadly, the poor digital zoom on my camera phone didn't allow me to get good pictures of "Fatty McGee" (DefDude's nickname of the jerk at the end of the row) or the clever gentleman with the number 69 jersey sitting a few rows in front of us. So this will have to be enough for you. I leave you with this, possibly the worst picture of me ever taken:

Poor Bevo Meets His Maker

2006-10-11T16:14:00.000-04:00

Let us all issue a silent prayer in sincere thanksgiving for the passing on of Bevo XIII, the longest-serving of the Texas Longhorns mascots. The poor, miserable creature was on the sidelines of UT games for 16 seasons, getting abused by drunken redneckswho were making that stupid fucking “hook ‘em horns” sign. It would surprise me not one bit if he got high with Matthew McConaughey. I just hope they didn’t get naked and play bongos together. Death was surely a blessed escape for the wretched creature.
Bevo even traveled here to our Nation’s Capital in 2001 to be a part of President Bush II’s inauguration. Talk about animal abuse. Someone call the SPCA. By the way, if I saw one more woman in DC that week with a fur coat, cowboy hat and "don't mess with texas" pin, I was going to turn into that guy at UT who was up in the Bell Tower asking for cheese sandwiches while shooting at undergrads. My God.
At any rate, Bevo XIV is in mourning, as is half of Texas, apparently. The headlines have actually referenced "The Big Ranch in the Sky" and Bevo's having "Moved on to Greenest of Pastures."
Jesus Christ, these Texans are fucktarded.

Notes from a Night of Hockey - 10/06/06

2006-10-07T11:34:00.000-04:00

Florida Panthers 8 - Boston Bruins 3
I've got some bad news folks: It is entirely possible that I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'll give you a minute to let that one sink in... Okay, ready? Todd Bertuzzi had a goal and three assists in his debut in Florida, in spite of the fact that I quite clearly stated in my Panthers preview that the trade for Bertuzzi was a poor dicision. The nerve of some people. Joe Nieuwendyk added two goals as the Panthers made the Bruins look just plain silly.
Vancouver Canucks 3 - Columbus Blue Jackets 2 (OT)
Double your pleasure, double your fun. Or some other such cliched saying about twins. Henrik Sedin had the assist and Daniel Sedin had the goal in overtime for the Canucks, who are now 2-0.The idea of having a pair of identical twins on the ice at the same time playing for the same team always seemed a little unfair to me. I would think it would be somewhat confusing for the other team.
New Jersey Devils 4 - Carolina Hurricanes 0
The Hurricanes lost for the second straight game to a team that they eliminated from the playoffs last year. After winning 31 games at home last season, Carolina is now 0-2 (or rather 0-1-1, ugh) at home so far this year.

Other scores:
Buffalo 5 - Montreal 4 (SO)
Anaheim 4 - Los Angeles 3

Notes from a Night of Hockey - 10/05/06

2006-10-06T08:24:00.000-04:00

New York Rangers 5 - Washington Capitals 2
If the Rangers play an early season game the same day both NY baseball teams have playoff games, does it make a sound? Brendan Shanahan scored his 599th and 600th career goals to lead New York in their opening night victory. Jaromir Jagr added a goal (just thirty seconds into the game) and an assist as well and the Rangers showed why many experts are (inexplicably) picking them to do big things this year. Last year's Rookie of the Year Alex Ovechkin was pretty silent, but Alex #2, Alexander Semin, provided a money shot (sorry) in his return to the Capitals after spending two years in Russia.

Toronto Maple Leafs 6 - Ottawa Senators 0
"[The Leafs] are likely to have trouble scoring goals all year." Who said that? Darcy "The Sparkplug" Tucker lead a suddenly potent Maple Leafs offense with two power play goals to go with Chad "The Firestarter" Kilger's two tallies. Captain Mats Sundin also contributed a goal and an assist as the Leafs incited an early season goaltending controversy in Ottawa, with Ray Emery coming on to relieve Martin Gerber and giving up just one goal in a little over a period of work.

Pittsburgh Penguins 4 - Philadelphia Flyers 0
Round One of the Battle of Pennsylvania goes to Pittsburgh in convincing fashion. Day One of the Battle of the Sophmore Superstars goes to Sidney Crosby, who recorded a goal and an assist. Michel Oullet also had the one and one, and goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury (no relation to Theo) had forty saves in a shutout performance. New Pens owner Jim Balsillie (pronounced "Ball-Silly") (I hope) was in attendance. The Philadelphia power play unit, apparently, was not.

Chicago Blackhawks 8 - Nashville Predators 6
I have nothing to say about this. I just wanted to make sure everyone was aware that this game ended with a score of 8-6. That's more goals than the total of runs in the Mets and Yankees playoff games combined.

Other Scores:
Vancouver 3 - Detroit 1
Tampa Bay 3 - Atlanta 2 (SO)
Minnesota 3 - Colorado 2 (SO)
Edmonton 3 - Calgary 1
Phoenix 6 - NY Islanders 3
San Jose 5 - St. Louis 4 (OT)

Countdown to Faceoff

2006-10-05T23:14:00.000-04:00

Now that the Capitals have opened the season it is time to completely erase any memory of tonight's game and look forward to Saturday night. I haven't been inside Verizon Center since April 28th, and I haven't seen a hockey game there since even before that. So to say that I am excited would be a bit of an understatement (DC Caps Chick pretty much sums up my feelings on the return of hockey).

Now the only issue is: What to do before the game? My friend (who will be experiencing only the second hockey game of his life) has work and won't arrive until right before game time, but I fully intend to put a few alcoholic beverages in me before passing into the World of $8 Beers. If there are any other Caps bloggers out there who are planning on coming downtown for any sort of pre-game festivities, let me know. There's still a comment section here, and you can also e-mail oppossum-palooza@hotmail.com. Or just look for me there, I'll be the guy drinking by himself at the tiny Thai-Mexican fusion joint below the movie theater until five minutes before game time. They have just the most fascinating bar stools.

Compendium of Previews

2006-10-05T13:23:00.000-04:00

Below is a comprehensive list of all the team previews I've written so far. I realize that the season has already started and six teams are still un-previewed because the internet at my home won't cooperate, and I still may try to write previews for those teams anyway. If I do, I'll update this post accordingly.

Northeast Division
Boston Bruins
Buffalo Sabres
Montreal Candiens
Ottawa Senators
Toronto Maple Leafs

Atlantic Division
New Jersey Devils
New York Islanders
New York Rangers
Philadelphia Flyers
Pittsburgh Penguins

Southeast Division
Atlanta Thrashers
Carolina Hurricanes
Florida Panthers
Tampa Bay Lightning
Washington Capitals

Northwest Division
Calgary Flames
Colorado Avalanche
Edmonton Oilers
Minnesota Wild
Vancouver Canucks

Central Division
Chicago Blackhawks
Columbus Blue Jackets
Detroit Red Wings
Nashville Predators
St. Louis Blues

Pacific Division
Anaheim Ducks
Dallas Stars
Los Angeles Kings
Phoenix Coyotes
San Jose Sharks

Shameless Self-Promotion

2006-10-05T12:18:00.000-04:00

That Mr. Potato Head up there with the giant smile is me. Why, you ask?
Because I just officially becaome a blogger at The Fanhouse in AOL's Sports Blog.
I'll be posting regular musings on the Titans and their unabashed wretchedness. And just to spice things up, I'll be dropping random bits of knowledge and wild speculation about the NFL in general.
This brings up an important point (for me, at least).
I'd like to introduce myself to the three readers who don't know my actual identity. Hi, folks, I'm Laura Wood and that's the name under which I'll be posting at The Fanhouse. Come by and visit me there, even of you don't particularly like the Titans.

The NHL on the NFL on NBC

2006-10-05T11:30:00.000-04:00

The "infamous" (apparently) Eric McErlain over at Off Wing Opinion turned me on to this tidbit from a Washington Times piece by Tim Lemke. NBC plans on using their new Sunday Night Football package as a means for advertising their hockey coverage. Which gives me an opportunity to examine the effect the NFL is going to have on the NHL on NBC, a topic that I've spent a while ruminating on.

Obviously, professional outdoor football's return to NBC is a good thing for hockey. That goes without saying. If nothing else, it lends the NHL a little bit more credibility than it had before. When the TV deal with NBC was announced, it was viewed as a big step backwards for the NHL (which it was) partly because NBC was no longer a very legitimate sports network. At the time, the only other sports they carried were golf and arena football, and many folks had a field day lumping the NHL in with the AFL as an insignificant niche sport. The arrival of the NFL eliminates that. Advertising for the NHL during football games is an added bonus (especially when the Super Bowl moves to NBC).

More important than that, though, will be the possible change in the television booth. I have no sources to verify that this will actually happen, but I can only hope that now that NBC has Al Michaels under contract, we will see a return to the glory days of him doing Monday Night Football (well, Sunday in this case) during the fall and winter, and then doing play-by-play for hockey during the spring. Even if it's only during the playoffs. I'm not saying that the broadcast team NBC has now is bad (I almost kind of like Doc Emerick's banshee screams every time there is a shot on goal, or a pass near the goal, or a player near the goal) but Al Michaels is, in addition to being a great football guy, the best hockey play by play announcer that ever was. Six words: "Do you believe in miracles? Yes!" I get chills just typing it.

Happy New Year

2006-10-05T08:06:00.000-04:00

Hockey is back! The NHL opened the season last night with a slate of three games and I was... asleep, actually. Leave it to me to get sick on what should otherwise be one of the most exciting days of the year. I managed to catch some of the Buffalo-Carolina matchup and not much else. Not to worry, though, after my long night's slumber, I'm more than ready for day two.

Some notes from a day of hockey:
Sabres 3 - Hurricanes 2
The night started with the raising of Carolina's Stanley Cup Banner, a cermony that was ably botched by the ~~OLN~~ Versus television crew. It was a pretty good game until it got bogged down by penalties and I fell asleep. The game ended in a shootout with Daniel Briere scoring the only goal for Buffalo and Ryan Miller stopping all three Carolina attempts. The most important development in this game, however, was the revelation that the Sabres are going to be damn near unwatchable because of the rather heinous gold patches under the arms on their new sweaters.

Senators 4 - Maple Leafs 1
This was the lone game that wasn't broadcast in the US, so you probably missed it, but Mats Sundin would like you to know that "I don't think it's as bad as the scoresheet says". For his sake, I hope he's right, because the scoresheet says the Leafs, who are likely to have trouble scoring goals all year, were thoroughly dominated by Ottawa and were only able to score on a penalty shot.

Stars 3 - Avalanche 2
In the late game, Colorado lost by falling for the oldest trick in the book. You know, the take-a-penalty-at-the-end-of-regulation-so-you-can-take-
a-pass-right-out-of-the-penalty-box-and-score-the-game-winner-in-overtime trick. How did they not see that one coming?

Tonight, the NHL kicks it into high gear. The remaining twenty-four teams all start their seasons tonight and you can expect a full, in-depth report on every single game right here. Except, of course, that games that don't involve the Washington Capitals. I don't get to see those games, and for those, you'll be lucky to get something like the cursory glance I gave last night's games above.

NHL 2006-07 Season Preview

2006-10-04T08:54:00.000-04:00

As noted, your friend and mine DefDude, who was supposed to be writing previews for the as-yet unpreviewed Pacific Division (as well as the Vancouver Canucks) has been AWOL for the past few weeks. But today, he makes his triumphant return with an absurdly comprehensive look at the whole of the upcoming NHL year.

Yes, yes, I am all too aware that my efforts to see the NHL preview series through to completion were somewhat lacking, but a combination of tests, athletic engagements, and the realization that, as a college student, I am supposed to be cutting corners and skipping assignments whenever possible, led to my not caring for a week or two there. The Canucks preview I owe can be summed up in a few simple words: Finally shored up the goaltending situation, but unfortunately there is no one to score the goals in Vancouver anymore, and JovoCop will be sorely missed, so the Canucks will find themselves most likely buried under their stiff divisional competition. There you go. But as I find myself sitting here on all-hockey’s eve, a cold shiver of anticipation suddenly begins to run down my spine: Hockey’s back, tonight at 7 on (Versus or OLN? YOU decide!), with a rematch of last season’s NHL Eastern conference finals, Buffalo and Carolina. 19 hours after I write this, the coolest game on earth begins again.

While October means reveling in yet another Yankees playoff failure for most Americans, there are still the select few among us for whom October is really the beginning. And what a beginning it shall be. From the fall of the old guard, to the return of a tortured franchise to the realm of respectability, this year promises to be one of the most epic in NHL history. Much of last year was spent on adjusting to the new salary structure and rules. Now, one year removed from that grace period, some of the biggest teams in hockey are poised for a precipitous fall. The Atlantic division, once the home of epic division battles between the Flyers and Devils, and residence of the resurgent Rangers, looks weaker than ever, with so many question marks surrounding all three teams as to make one wonder if only one will make the playoffs: Will Philadelphia have a competent, healthy goaltender for most of the early season? Will it matter who plays net behind that disaster of a defense? Will Jaromir Jagr remember that he is, in fact, a primadonna prick, and refuse to carry the team on his shoulders once again? Will it matter if he does, seeing as how the Devils showed last year that he can be completely depantsed when left alone? Can Lou Lamiorello cut yet another deal with his team’s sponsors to get out of his self-induced salary cap hole (Early warning signs are pointing to yes).

Out West, Colorado will have to face the dilemma of the fact that I trust a joe Sakic-led team to overcome most, if not all, odds to win as much as I trust a Jose Theodore-followed team to overcome most, if not all odds to lose, and the job of covering up the fact that Colorado’s goaltender not only isn’t a Patrick Roy, but isn’t even a Patrick Lalime (at least Lalime played well in the regular season), doesn’t get any easier when they lose their best defenseman to a conference opponent, and give a division opponent the forward they so desperately need in order to fix it. Elsewhere, hockeytown will have to cope with the loss of two elder statesmen, Stevie Y (Link to your post on him), and Brendan Shanahan, and will almost certainly be yet another playoff dissapointment, except this time they won’t do it as a top seed, because they will be fighting for a bottom seed this time.

Of course, with all these teams falling, someone else has to move up to take their place. Calgary, San Jose, Nashville, and Anaheim all appear poised to dominate their Western Conference brethren this season, while Buffalo and Ottawa appear to be the only dependable teams in the east. But of course, who moves into the elite spots isn’t interesting; it is the surprise middling- to good teams that make the stories. Take the Phoenix Coyotes: coached by none other than “The Great One,” the desert dogs managed a disappointing .500 finish last season, and so went out to revamp the defense, leading most journalists to label Phoenix as the sleeper team of 06-07 (meaning, of course, Phoenix will fall flat on its face out of the gate, show signs of life in December, and then ultimately fall short in their inspired playoff push after the All-Star break). This season’s real stories look to come from much more unexpected places: Atlanta, Minnesota, Washington, and Chicago. Atlanta barely missed the playoffs last season, and a healthy kari Lehtonen could propel them to the upper echelon of the Eastern Conference; Minnesota, the poor man’s Calgary Flames, needed to only score another goal every other game to jump from lottery loser to playoff player, and should certainly find what they need in the additions of Mark Parrish, Kenny Johnsson, and Pavol Demitra; Washington, home to the NHL’s most charismatic, dynamic scorer, suddenly has a depth of scoring potential, a strong crop of grinding forwards, and a deep defense with enough to potential to offset its inexperience (yes I’m a blatant homer, shut up); and Chicago, after yet another disappointment despite adding big names Adrian Aucoin and Nikolai Khabibulin last offseason, are poised to make a strong defensive stand with newly acquired center Michael Handzus, Aucoin, a healthy Khabibulin, and the young Ryan Suter.

But ultimately, the story of this NHL season will be the personalities, as young stars Alex Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby, with a full year of experience under their belts, will shock and awe both opponents and fans alike as they take the game to new heights, both on the ice and off it, while other charismatic stars such as Illya Kovalchuk, Joe Thornton, and Paul Kariya will be given the freedom to make their mark in their respective markets. The Evgeni Malking saga, and its unavoidable implication of Russian mob corruption, will continue to make for a compelling off-ice story to match any NBA or NFL styled misdemeanor, and Reebok’s vigorous efforts to make its investment in the NHL profitable will lead to much greater exposure for all these individuals.

AND HERE THEY ARE, DEFDUDE’S NHL 2006-2007 PREDICTIONS

Eastern Conference

Northeast Division
Buffalo
Ottawa
Montreal
Boston
Toronto

Atlantic Division
Philadelphia
New Jersey
NY Rangers
Pittsburgh
NY Islanders

Southeast Division
Atlanta
Carolina
Washington
Tampa Bay
Florida

Final Eastern Conference Standings
1. Buffalo*
2. Atlanta*
3. Philadelphia*
4. Carolina
5. Ottawa
6. New Jersey
7. Washington
8. Montreal
9. New York Rangers
10. Boston
11. Tampa Bay
12. Pittsburgh
13. Toronto
14. Florida
15. New York Islanders

Western Conference

Central Division
Nashville
Chicago
Detroit
Columbus
St. Louis

Northwestern Division
Calgary
Minnesota
Colorado
Edmonton
Vancouver

Pacific Division
Anaheim
San Jose
Los Angeles
Phoenix
Dallas

Final Western Conference Standings

1. Calgary*
2. Nashville*
3. Anaheim*
4. San Jose
5. Los Angeles
6. Minnesota
7. Chicago
8. Detroit
9. Colorado
10. Phoenix
11. Edmonton
12. Dallas
13. Vancouver
14. Columbus
15. St. Louis

Playoffs:

Eastern Conference First Round:

(1)Buffalo beats (8)Montreal

(7)Washington Beats (2)Atlanta

(3)Philadelphia beats (6)New Jersey

(5)Ottawa beats (4)Carolina

Western Conference First Round:

(1)Calgary beats (7)Detroit

(2)Nashville beats (7)Chicago

(6)Minnesota beats (3)Anaheim

(4)San Jose beats (5)Los Angeles

Eastern Conference semifinals:

(1)Buffalo beats (7)Washington

(3)Philadelphia beats (5)Ottawa

Western Conference semifinals:

(1)Calgary beats (6)Minnesota

(2)Nashville beats (4)San Jose

Eastern Conference Finals:

(1)Buffalo beats (3)Philadelphia

Western Conference Finals:

(1)Calgary beats (2)Nashville

Stanley Cup Final:

Calgary Flames beat Buffalo Sabres.

See you in June!

NHL Preview: St. Louis Blues

2006-10-03T10:48:00.000-04:00

We are just one day away from the start of the 2006-07 NHL season and I've got six teams left to preview. Luckily, I've already gotten around to all the teams playing tomorrow, so I will be well within my rights to hold off on some previews until then. Technical issues not withstanding. Hopefully, my computer will cooperate long enough to let me get through them all. For the moment, let's check out the St. Louis Blues.

"I hate to see that evening sun go down,
'Cause my lovin' baby done left this town."

The opening lines of W.C. Handy's "St. Louis Blues" would probably be an apt description of the feelings most hockey fans have towards the team of the same name. (Unless they aren't Blues fans, in which case they probably don't care, but the sentence sounds more poetic as is so I'm putting this part of it in parentheses after the fact.) This once ~~proud~~ ~~great~~ consistently mediocre franchise was easily the worst team in the NHL last season and things aren't getting a whole lot better in 2006.

Brett Hull, Adam Oates, Curtis Joseph, Brendan Shanahan, Al MacInnis, Chris Pronger, Pavol Demitra, Pierre Turgeon, Roman Turek and Doug Weight. What do those names have in common? They've all gone on to accomplish big things wearing a sweater that didn't feature an unfortunate pairing of blue and red. You may recognize Pronger and Weight as two of the players who participated in the '06 Stanley Cup Finals (for the Oilers and Hurricanes, respectively). Brett Hull is most famous for the Goal That Never Was (not sure what I'm talking about. Go to Buffalo sometime. On the way back from Toronto I stopped at a rest stop outside Buffalo and there was still a newspaper clipping on the wall with a picture of Hull's skate in the crease. Six years after the fact.)

Don't let the quarter-century of playoff appearances fool you, this is a team that was mired in a two decade cycle of mediocrity, constantly falling in the first or second round of the playoffs. Even when they finished the year with the best record in the NHL in 2000 they managed to lose in the first round. Which is how they ended up where they are today.

Where is that, you ask? Rock bottom. After spending almost their entire history as a middling-to-above-average team, the bottom finally fell out after the 04-05 Lockout. The Blues finished the season with a league-worst record of 21-46-15. This year doesn't look too much better in terms of wins and losses, but the outlook isn't nearly as bleak. Goaltender turned broadcaster turned General Manager John Davidson acquired Bill Guerin and Manny Legace during the summer. Both of them, as well as prodigal son Doug Weight, are beyond their prime and won't contribute as much as they once would have, but they should provide vital veteran leadership for a young, rebuilding team. Think of the 2006-07 Blues as this year's version of the 2005-06 Washington Capitals, only without Alex Ovechkin. Or anything else to make watching their games a worthwhile endeavor.

To keep track of all the suffering of the coming year, check out Back In Blue. Or, if you happen to be an avid Blues fan looking to break through to the blogosphere, Blues Line might be the place to go.

Farewell, Skip

2006-10-02T20:50:00.000-04:00

I don't really have a lot to say except that for reasons that pass understanding, I'm really upset about the departure of Frank Robinson as Nats' Manager. Is it because he reminds me of a bygone era in baseball that I tend to romanticize? Is it because he put up with a never ending stream of shit from MLB as they used the Expos as a farm team for the rest of the league? Is it his sheer impressiveness as both a player and a manager? (Check out his numbers; they're unreal). I can't say why, but I'd still like to issue a big "fuck you" to the folks in the Nats' offices. They handled this whole thing like fucktards and Frank deserved better.

Obligatory Redskins Discussion Post

2006-10-02T00:01:00.000-04:00

That felt goooood. The Redskins offense is a completely different animal with Clinton Portis lining up in the backfield and the Skins proved it tonight. After all the talk about last week being a fluke performance against a slipshod defense, the Redskins showed up at FedEx Field and put up 152 rushing yards, breaking Jacksonville's 13-game streak of not allowing a 100-yard rushing game. Perhaps the bigger story is that Portis wasn't the story, with all the focus going to Santan Moss and his three touchdowns. It looks like Al Saunders' playbook might finally be starting to make some sense.

On the other side of the ball, the defense allowed only 33 yards rushing, which is an obscenely low number. Presumably, this is because at some point the Jaguars realized that they could pass the ball downfield more or less at will. Not to take anything away from the Skins' run defense, which was impressive, but the weaknesses in the secondary are going to be an issue. Get well soon, Sean Springs.

Also, the Redskins had four penalties for 40 yards. Not good, but not nearly as bad as the first three weeks.

NHL Preview: Nashville Predators

2006-10-01T22:55:00.000-04:00

For the third time this evening, I find myself starting a team preview. The NHL season is just three days away, you know, and I am just that devoted to you, my loyal reader(s). So sit back and enjoy this look at the Nashville Predators.

If I were to tell you that the Nashville Predators were an expansion franchise that played their first season in 1998-99 you might assume that they fall under the same category as their Southern expansion brethren in Georgia. You would, of course, be quite horribly wrong in that assumption. Unlike the Atlanta Thrashers, the Predators have now made the playoffs twice. Also unlike the Thrashers, they have existed mostly devoid of any big name stars.

Until last year, that is, when they made rather large waves in the free agency market by signing Paul Kariya, a player who immediately lent the team an air of legitimacy it had previously lacked. The move payed off, too. After having made the playoffs as the eighth seed in the Western Conference in the 2003-04 season, the Predators found themselves in the fourth seed in 2006 after racking up 49 wins and 106 standings points. Unfortunately for Tennesee hockey fans everywhere, they probably would have been better served to finish eight, as they had to face the red hot San Jose Sharks in the first round and were dispatched in five games.

A summer that has seen the addition of centers Jason Arnott and Josef Vasicek makes the Preds' 2006-07 outlook even rosier. Their newfound strength up the middle will make them especially dangerous on offense and should also result in another strong season for Paul Kariya. The defense is somewhat suspect, but with Tomas Vokoun in between the pipes, it might not really matter. Nashville is going to surprise alot of people by winning the always competitive Central division (you heard it hear first) but it probably won't amount to much in the postseason, as all the strength in the Western Conference is currently residing in the state of California. Look for another playoff exit at the hands of the San Jose Sharks, albeit this time in the second round.

Not much luck by way of Predators blogs. You can try your luck with Smashville, but it hasn't been updated since last April.

NHL Preview: Detroit Red Wings

2006-10-01T22:03:00.000-04:00

Let's continue, shall we? In the face of considerable adversity, I'm going to keep trying to get you the half-baked NHL previews you so desperately need. Next up, the Detroit Red Wings.

In the interest of full disclosure I will state right off that I despise the Detroit Red Wings. Partly for their obnoxious fans who invade opposing arenas throughout the country. (It is a common misconception that the fanbases of teams like the Red Wings or Pittsburgh Steelers "travel well". This is false. The expatriate fans are already in the opposing team's hometown because they got the hell out of Detroit/Pittsburgh as fast as they possibly could because these towns are god forsaken hellholes not fit for human existence. There is no travel involved.) Partly for their unrivaled success (no US based team has won more Stanley Cups). But mainly, I hate the Red Wings for 1998.

Which is why I'm going to take so much joy in their inevitable collapse this year. After a 2005-06 regular season that saw the Wings finish atop the league standings, they managed to get themselves eliminated in the first round anyway. The disappointment was further compounded by an abyssmal offseason that saw Brendan Shanahan leave for the New York Rangers via free agency and Steve Yzerman leave for the corporate suite upstairs. Worst of all, somebody in Detroit's front office, apparently having just awakened from a five year hibernation, decided that Dominik Hasek was the best of a large crop of available goaltenders, rather than trading with one of several teams currently carrying two starting-quality goaltenders (Buffalo and/or San Jose, to name a few).

So what can Detroit fans expect for the upcoming season? Probably more of the same. Look for the Red Wings to have a reasonably successful regular season, assuming Chris Osgood can perform adequately in place of the probably-going-to-be-injured Hasek. But in a city that refers to itself as "Hockeytown" (bleagh) a high playoff seed won't be enough. Unfortunately, that is all that they are likely to get. Barring some truly amazing performances from Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterburg and/or Niklas Lidstrom, the creaky old Red Wings won't make any more playoff noise this year than last.

For a team with such a fervent following as the Red Wings, you'd think I'd be able to find a blog that has been updated in the past few months. No such luck, but feel free to try Detroit Red Wings or Behind the Jersey.

NHL Preview: Columbus Blue Jackets

2006-10-01T21:48:00.000-04:00

Technical issues once again abound here at Opossum-Palooza headquarters. Needless to say, I am way behind on the NHL previews, but I'm going to keep on trying. Today, let's take a look at the Columbus Blue Jackets.

Back when I started this whole venture, it was teams like the Columbus Blue Jackets that caused me the most trepidation. What do you write about a team when the most significant piece of information is the (minor) controversy and confusion caused by the naming of the team? The term "Blue Jacket" is a reference to the uniforms worn by Union soldiers during the Civil War. The state of Ohio supplied more soldiers to the Union than any other state. Hence, the name of Colombus' expansion team in 2000. Apparently, no one told the people in charge of the logo, as evidenced by the debauched eyesore you see above. The result was me constantly cowering in fear of a new breed of hornet that had changed colors so as to better camouflage itself against my jeans and sting me when I least expect it. Thankfully, the rediculous insect was scrapped quickly and replaced with a rather classy logo, but the damage had been done.

The Blue Jackets have a few other claims to fame, but none of them are particularly positive. Those nets that obstruct your view at the ends of the ice are the result of Columbus forward Espen Knutsen's deflected slapshot that ended up in the stands, striking a 13-year old girl who would later die as a result of her her head injury. On a lighter note, the franchise is also notable for employing goaltender Ron Tugnutt during their inaugural season. Tugnutt remains easily the most entertainingly named hockey player of all time.

They had a chance last year to finally break into the ranks of teams that are not a running joke, with young phenom Rick Nash and All-Star caliber defenseman Adam Foote, but injuries derailed their season and they missed the playoffs for the fifth time in as many tries.

Injuries are once again an issue for the Blue Jackets so far this year as well. Sergei Federov was aquired in the middle of the 2005-06 season but will miss up to six weeks of the beginning of the season. In spite of that, a healthy Rick Nash as well as a potential breakout year from goaltender Pascal Leclaire could easily equal the franchise's first playoff appearance.

For all your Columbus Blue Jackets blogging, mosey on over to Jackets Required. If nothing else, the name is clever.

NHL Preview: Chicago Blackhawks

2006-09-27T22:08:00.000-04:00

We are just one week from the opening faceoff of NHL 2006. With that in mind, we press on with our NHL preview series. Today, the twentieth part of that series, the Chicago Blackhawks. (Yes, I know this ought to be the Vancouver Canucks right now. But DefDude has gona AWOL. So we'll get back to them when we get the chance.)

The Original Six. Few terms in sports invoke more nostalgia-stoked remenisces from delerious old men in nursing homes that will be ignored by their pale faced sixteen year old grandsons who just want to gome home and play Xbox for Christ's sake. But imagine, grandson, if you could take your copy of NHL 07 and take all the best players from all thirty teams, and compress them down to six. That's right. Pretty sweet, huh? You've got Peter Forsberg centering Alex Ovechkin and Johnathan Cheechoo? Your totally gonna kick your buddy's ass. Congratulations.

Yes, the Original Six. From 1942 until 1967, the Boston Bruins, Detroit Red Wings, Montreal Canadiens, New York Rangers, Toronto Maple Leafs and, yes, the Chicago Black Hawks (it was two words back then) formed a league in which East Coast bias was never an issue and nobody ever had to complain about economic imbalance. They also formed a league in which the Stanley Cup got passed around like that slutty chick you went to high school (we'll call her "Jenny" in this case, not that I ever knew anybody named Jenny) with the result being inflated championship totals for teams like the Montreal Canadiens. (Ironically, the Rangers only won one. Suck it New York!)

But with the advent of things like "expansion", "the Canadian dollar" and "Gary Bettman" the six teams suddenly found it much harder to be as lucky as they once were. Some continue to have success, like the Detroit Red Wings. Others, like Boston and New York, have become shining beacons of quality management (or something like that). And one has managed to become the biggest laughingstock in team sports. Canadian team sports, I mean.

The 21st Century has not been kind to hockey fans in the Windy City. The team missed the playoffs four years in a row from 1998-2001, lost in the first round in five games in 2002 and haven't been back to the playoffs since. They have been a team known for incompetent management, cheap management and lackluster on-ice play. In fact, even when they do things right, they do things wrong. During the summer of 2005 they were major players in the free agent market, signing away defending Stanley Cup Champion goaltender Nikolai Khabibulin and top notch defenseman Adrian Aucoin, both of whom spent most of the year on the IR.

So what can you, Joe Blackhawks Fan, expect out of the 2006-07 season? In theory at least, you should be looking at a dramatic improvement after an offseason filled with major trades. (Not free agent signings, though. Nobody wanted to talk to the Blackhawks because, well, nobody is stupid enough to go there willingly.) The offense is drastically improved with the additions of Martin "Marty" Havlat and Michael Handzus. With any luck the goaltending and defense should be aided by the return of Khabibulin and Aucoin from the disabled list. But what does this all mean? It means that you and your hockey fan friend(s) will probably be incarcerated at the hospital under 24/7 suicide watch by the end of November. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

You, too, can help save a life. Check back with The Blackhawk Experience around the second month of the season and be sure to remove any sharp objects and/or shoelaces.

Schadenfreude!

2006-09-27T00:03:00.000-04:00

There are few things in sports more enjoyable than watching your team play the spoiler, torpedoing the playoff aspirations of a team far more succesful than your own. Back in April, I had the pleasure of watching the Capitals crush the spirits of the Atlanta Thrashers, who finished just two points out of the playoffs, and probably would have had a shot if not for their loss to the Caps on April 17. And tonight at The Love Shack the Washington Nationals put ~~an end to~~ a serious dent in the Philadelphia Phillies run at a wild card berth.

What is it about playing the spoiler that titilates us so? The fact is, taking joy in the agony of destroying another team's season at the expense of adding a meaningless win to a lost season for your own is mean, vindictive and downright mean. But we do it anyway. In college sports, fans often root for the other teams from their conference to do well in lieu of their own team's success. I have a friend who makes it a point during the NCAA Tournament to root for whichever team eliminates her team of choice. When it comes to professional sports, though, I would rather see every team in the NFC East go 4-12 than see the Giants win a playoff game. I am at the point where I am deathly afraid of a Subway Series this October, only because I would seriously consider rooting for the Yankees, because God forbid any other NL East team enjoy any success.

Uh-oh. I've reached the end of the post and I still don't have a point. I'd better wrap it up. Okay, here goes: The point is that I am an evil, vindictive misanthrope and should probably be imprisoned in some way and cordoned off from the civilized society. In other words, I'll probably end up living out the rest of my days in Lincoln Financial Field.

NHL Preview: Minnesota Wild

2006-09-26T15:01:00.000-04:00

Today, it's part number nineteen in our series of team previews anticipating the imminent arrival of hockey season. What better number for taking a look at the Minnesota Wild? Take it away, DefDude:

In a year where the state of Minnesota was the perfect place to be named the Wild (I’m looking at YOU, Fred Smoot), the 2005-2006 edition of the Minnesota Wild was anything but, scoring a paltry 2.78 goals per game, bad enough for 25th in the league. Minnesota’s suffocating style of defense, which ranked at the opposite end of the spectrum, 5th in the league, left little room for creativity, effectively smothering the chances of a goal being scored in a game involving Minnesota, period. Marian Gaborik scored a career high 38 goals, and played at a point per game pace for the first time in his young NHL career, but injuries limited him to 65 games for the Wild, whose dearth of skilled forwards was especially visible in Gaborik’s absence.

To that end, management made a commitment to improving the offense. They brought in Minnesota native and proven scorer Mark Parrish, who can bang around the corners and create space for Minnesota’s few skilled wingers. Minnesota also brought in puck-moving defenseman Kenny Johnsson, whose skills should certainly improve Minnesota’s wildly awful power play. But most importantly, Minnesota added Pavol Demitra, a talented forward whose experience with Marian Gaborik on the Slovakian national team will hopefully translate to the North American game, resulting in a Vikings-style orgy of scoring (And if you want to think I’m talking about the old Culppper to Moss connection, feel free).

But much like their Canadian rivals in Calgary, Minnesota’s strength remains its defense. Led by newly arrived veterans Johnsson and Keith Carney, the Wild should easily uphold the Jacques Lemaire tradition of being unfairly good on defense, which should make goaltender Manny Fernandez happy, especially now that he will be tested with a full slate of games after Minnesota dealt his netminding counterpart to Edmonton last season. If the defense can hold itself to the same standard as last season, and the offense can chip in an extra goal every other game, challenging Calgary for the division crown suddenly becomes a doable proposition. Kind of like the stewardesses on Lake Minnetonka.

To follow all the goings on up north, check out State of Hockey News or minnesota wild. There are probably some actua news sites you could check out too, but blogs are just more fun.

My (admittedly sycophantic) Thoughts on Tony K.

2006-09-26T09:39:00.000-04:00

This may be an unpopular opinion and I don’t care if it is. I thought Tony K. found his stride last night during the Saints game. After sitting through what seemed like days of well meaning, but ultimately mindless babble, I perked up when he started his “Symbols” soliloquy. He was right on the money on all accounts: there’s a lot of work still to be done in New Orleans, football isn’t the most important thing in the world, the Superdome and the Saints are symbolic of the rising and rebuilding of the Crescent City. None of those sentiments are new, but his delivery was so restrained and heartfelt that even I teared up a little. And I have a heart of Grinch-like proportions. He really is a great writer and I hope the overlords at the WWL put him to better use.
On to the game, where Tony rightly pointed out to the idiot Joe Theismann that runners always have their legs under their bodies. Joe, on the other hand, was laboring under the strange delusion that some people run with their bodies elsewhere. Maybe there really are X-Men and maybe they play in the NFL. I mean, what else would they do, really?
Tony seemed natural and convivial with Spike Lee and I absolutely loved that he brought up the Knicks and Isiah Thomas as Coach of the Year. That was pretty vintage Kornheiser right there.
One last thing though: Tony, that nifty trick play by the Saints for a TD? It was a reverse, not a “double-reverse.” I’m a little pedantic about that.
In short, Tony’s getting better, Theismanns’s a babbling idiot and Tirico is a bit of a pussy.

That Is A Disgusting Act...: Part Two

2006-09-26T01:16:00.000-04:00

Via Steve Ovadia over at Puck Update comes this most excellent headline. I shall make it my personal mission to mention Rick DiPietro by his new (to me, at least) nickname in this here blog as many times as humanly possible during the coming hockey season.

That Is A Disgusting Act...

2006-09-25T23:05:00.000-04:00

On Sunday, one Mr. Jeremy Shockey, a player of the New York Giants football team, implied that perhaps his team had a coach who was inferior to the Super Bowl winning coach on the opposite sideline. Today, Mr. Shockey backpedaled. "I'm very team-oriented and I do let my emotions get to me," he said. "It's the competitive nature of Me." (I cannot categorically confirm that he intended for the word "me" to be capitalized. In fact, I have to assume that he lacks the knowledge of which words are and are not capitalized in the written word. But it amuses me to imagine Shockey having a conversation about the Tao of Jeremy.)

I don't have a problem with Shockey's outburst. In so much as it helps to totally disrupt a division rival, I actually support it. What I do have a problem with, however, is the reaction from both the media and members of the Giants organization:

Giants' center Shaun O'Hara: "I am not going to sit here and talk about what one guy says when we all know what went on. This is not about Jeremy Shockey. This is about the New York Giants losing a game. I don't care who, what or where said what. That's what it is about."

QB Eli Manning: "He was just emotional after the game and he knows he made a mistake."

Defensive End Michael Strahan: "Geez guys, don't panic. Relax."

All the focus is on the fact that Shockey's statements were inappropriate, but nobody wants to acknowledge one important fact: Shockey was probably right. The Giants proved in the fourth quarter in Philadelphia that they can put some points on the board. They proved it again Sunday in the same quarter. Their inability to score during the parts of the game when the defense is actually trying falls squarely on the shoulders of Tom Coughlin and his coaching staff. But the liberal sports media doesn't care about that. All they care about is smearing the character of a fine upstanding individual like Jeremy Shockey. The fact of the matter is that lambasting a public figure for an emotional outburst while completely ignoring the fact that he was probably justified is something that ought to be reserved for Fox News Channel and former Presidents.

Jesus, I think I just compared Jeremy Shockey to William J. Clinton. I am embarassed for Me, and everyone who ever met Me.

NHL Preview: Edmonton Oilers

2006-09-25T00:31:00.000-04:00

The technical issues have returned here to my little corner of the Opossum-Palooza, and as such we are now falling way behind on the NHL previews. But rest assured that I am doing everything I can to get you the useless speculation you so desperately crave. Today, I bring you DefDude's preview of the Edmonton Oilers, the eighteenth part of our series.

What a long, strange ride it has been, eh? From the almost irrelevant position of the 8th seed in the Western Conference Playoffs, to being the small-market David to Detroit’s Goliath, to the heartbreak of a nation in losing the chance to bring hockey’s holy grail home from the midst of the desolate hockey wasteland known as the South. Finally, it was all capped off by the final rejection of the city itself by a man whose inspired performance during his single season in the city endeared him eternally to fans, or would have if not for the embittering circumstances surrounding his departure. A distaste for management, or his coach, or maybe even his teammates, would be a legitimate reason for his desiring a trade. Or possibly his OWN distaste for Edmonton MIGHT be a palatable excuse (although highly unlikely), but no, Chris Pronger had to request a trade because, as reports go, his WIFE did not like the city of Edmonton. Now when a player requests a trade because his WIFE hates you so much that she nags him to the point of jumping a championship-caliber team....well, that’s got to hurt a team’s psyche. Not to mention its chances for another magical Cup run in 2007.

With the departure of Pronger and chippy center Michael Peca, the Oilers suddenly find themselves somewhat lacking in the gritty, blue-collar attitude that led to last year’s shocking Cindarella run, and leave gaping holes in the lineup, which the Oilers are hoping to fill with young players they believe ready to make the leap to the NHL’s elite. Highly-touted but often-maligned prospect Robbie Schremp will be expected to shoulder much of the load left in Peca’s wake, while the signing of former Ranger Petr Sykora adds more firepower to an already capable offense.

But the story in Edmonton remains the departure of Pronger, one of the game’s truly elite defensemen, as capable of scoring a goal as giving an opposing star a concussion. Following him out of town was puck-moving defenseman Dick (heeheehee) Tarnstrom, who bolted for Switzerland. The combined loss of quality defenders will surely offset any projected offensive gains, and leave the aging Dwayne Roloson in a precarious situation that could overburden the creaky old netminder. While much of the core from last season’s run (Ryan Smith, the team captain named Smyth, Fernando Pisani, and Shawn Horcoff), the loss of two all-star players will almost certainly be too much for a team that struggled to even make the playoffs last season, leaving the Oil more likely for a lottery spot than a place at the spring dance.

The Oilers have an enviable network of bloggers to sate your appetite, should you need to follow their exploits. Mosey on over to All Oil... all the time!, Black Dog Hates Skunks, Covered In Oil, Girls don't love hockey, Irreverent Oilers Fans, Lowetide or Oil Time Hockey. Also, don't forget The Battle of Alberta, one of the best hockey blogs around, and for the female and non-traditional male hockey fans out there, you've also got hot oil (if you're into that sort of thing).

Mr. Happy Face

2006-09-24T16:22:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to lie, when the Texans scored on their first drive, I got worried. Really worried. But my fears were completely unfounded, as I should have known they would be. See, here's the thing: Last night (and I swear I am not making this up), in a dream, I was visited by the ghost of Southeast Jerome. I don't remember what he said or did, or if he was even a real part of the dream or just a passing image. Regardless, it was clearly an omen, and from now on, I will learn to trust my psychic dreams.

In all seriousness though, I know the Redskins were playing the Texans, and that was a large part of their success today. But take a look at the numbers for the three offenses that have played against Houston this year. In Week One, the Eagles offense had 441 yards (311 passing, 130 on the ground) for 24 points. The next week, the Colts lit up the scoreboard to the tune of 43 points on 515 yards of offense (390 through the air, 125 on the ground). By comparison, the Redskins today had 495 yards offense, just twenty fewer than the highly regarded Colts' offense. The 261 passing yards Brunell put up weren't particularly impressive compared to Peyton Manning and Donovan McNabb, but the Skins' 234 rushing yards were almost as many as the Colts and Eagles combined. All in spite of a staggering 126 penalty yards.

How much do these numbers mean? Probably not much. Unless, of course, the Redskins can cut down on the penalties. Either way, the point is that if you have Clinton Portis on your fantasy team, be sure to check back here regularly, and I'll keep you posted on my Southeast Jerome-related dreamings.

Greetings From Petersburg

2006-09-22T08:34:00.000-04:00

I apologize if I don't get a chance to write a full post about this. The thing is, right now, I'm writing at a compter in the library of a federal prison in Virginia. Needless to say, you don't get alot of time, or privacy.

It's a long story, how I ended up here. Apparently, the government has been after BoSox Siobhan for quite some time (something about moral depravity, I don't know). Well, they called me to court and demanded that I reveal her identity, and when I refused I... well, here I am. Fact is, I just wasn't willing to compromise my journalistic (bloggeristic?) integrity. Siobhan has a right to her anonymous identity, dammit, and that anonymity is at the core of everything I do here.

Besides, you know what? Prison doesn't seem so bad. Oops, sorry... gotta go. My cellmate, Bruno, needs me. He said something about my "bung", but I don't know what he's talking about. I don't even follow Chelsea. I'm more of a Tottenham Hotspur guy myself.

NHL Preview: Colorado Avalanche

2006-09-20T21:32:00.000-04:00

Part seventeen of our thirty part series previewing every NHL team. Today's target is the Colorado Avalanche. DefDude is on the job.

One of hockey’s few truly exciting teams for most of the late 90’s and early 21st century, the ~~Quebec Nordiques~~ Colorado Avalanche seem to be, ironically enough, crashing down from their decade-long perch atop the Northwest division. After having their league-record tying 10-year dominance snapped by the Vancouver Canucks just before the lockout, the Avs seemed poised for a return to their former glory in the landscape of the new CBA, letting walk longtime Av Peter Forsberg via free agency to insure cap flexibility, but such was not to be. Colorado struggled to make the playoffs, only to find themselves unimpressively trounced by the Anaheim ~~Mighty~~ Ducks in the second round, victims of a questionable defense and even more questionable goaltending.

To that end, the Avalanche dealt this summer from a position of strength (or so they thought), giving up the versatile, crafty forward Alex Tanguay, who probably wouldn’t have fit into the team’s salary structure anyways, to the Calagary Flames in exchange for “puck-moving” (read: incapable of playing real defense, but with enough offensive upside to offset the fact) defenseman Jordan Leopold. What they failed to realize, however, is that in trading for Canadiens netminder Jose Theodore near the trading deadline, they sacrificed cap space and a better goaltender in exchange for a player they would have been foolish to offer a pack of Marek Svatos’ sticks for, meanwhile strengthening a divisional opponent’s only discernible weakness.

Speaking of Marek Svatos, it really sucks to be him, eh? When the Avs first went up to the podium in whichever year they drafted him (Biff's Note: 2001, you lazy bum), he had to have been excited beyond belief: Peter Forsberg? Joe Sakic? Patrick Roy? Rob Blake? He was going to be surrounded by some of the greatest names in the history of the game……until they began leaving. Roy retired, Forsberg left via free agency, to be followed by Rob Blake this offseason, leaving Svatos with only a shell of Joe Sakic’s former self with whom to play. Even worse, Steve Konawalchuk, who, after missing most of last season with a wrist injury, was penciled in for scond-line duty to take the pressure of Svatos, was recently diagnosed with a heart condition, and is unsure if he will be able to return this season. If he doesn’t it sure will suck to be an Avalanche fan this season……actually, now that I think about it, even if he does, it won’t be enjoyable to watch your once-proud franchise struggle to make the playoffs, weighed down by a substandard goaltender, only to wimper out of the playoffs in another early exit.

Follow the Avs all year long via some good old blogging, at Colorado Avalanche Blog, Avalanche! or Colorado Avalanche and NHL Hockey Blog. (Jeez, I know the name "Opossum-Palooza" is non-sensical and foolish, but at least it is somewhat creative. C'mon guys! (Or girls))

NHL Preview: Calgary Flames

2006-09-20T09:30:00.000-04:00

Okay, now that we've got this weekend's shenanigans behind us, we're back on track with our thirty part series previewing the NHL's thirty teams. Today, we move into the Western Conference with the Calgary Flames. We also bring back DefDude, whose Atlantic division previews were the talk of the proverbial town.

Defense wins championships-a fundamental principle of sports, perhaps one of the most widely embraced tenets of team athletics in the United States. Just look at some of the greatest defenses from throughout history: The Pittsburg Steelers “Iron Curtain” of the 1970’s; The dominance of the Detroit Pistons the past few seasons in the NBA; The New Jersey Devils of the late 90’s and early 2000’s-all great defenses, all championship teams. Why then, one might ask, did the Calgary Flames and their league-best defense, led by Vezina-winning goaltender Miikka Kiprusoff, not only fail to win a championship last season, but fail to even advance beyond the second round of last year’s playoffs?

Well, as the Flames and their anemic offense discovered, a defense doesn’t score the goals, and in hockey, goals must be scored in order to win. To that end, the Flames made every effort this summer to improve on their offense, which ranked 4th worst in the entire league last season. Calgary dealt a top blueliner, Jordan Leopold, to division rival Colorado in exchange for the gifted playmaker Alex Tanguay, who provides both the versatility to play either center or left wing, and finally gives perennial All-Star Jarome Iginla a talent of his own caliber to play with. Additionally, the Flames brought in solid left wing Jeff Friesen who, despite a dreadful year last season split between Washington and Anaheim, has a Stanley Cup ring, and is still a well-regarded depth forward who will help to increase scoring, and signed prospect Andrei Taratukhin, who is coming off of an impressive season in the Russian Superleague.

While the offense will hopefully improve, the focus of this team will certainly continue to be its rock-solid defense, led by second-year veteran Dion Phaneuf who, had he not been lumped into a rookie class involving such names as Crosby and Ovechkin, would have almost certainly won the Calder last season, along with veterans Robin Regehr and Roman Hamrlik. Standing behind these imposing presences will then be the league’s best goaltender, the aforementioned Kiprusoff, who has the uncanny ability to stop pretty much any shot, ever. With no drop-off on the defense in sight, and the offense having nowhere to go but up, expectations will be high in Calgary for this upcoming season. And they should be; they’re my preseason pick to win the Stanley Cup.

If you need more Calgary Flames blogging, never fear. Check out Red Mile, as well as Calgary Flames Blog. And don't forget one of the best hockey blogs around, The Battle of Alberta.

Fantasy Hockey Update

2006-09-19T19:27:00.000-04:00

With just twelve days left until the draft, The O-P Fantasy Hockey League still needs eight more members. So, yeah, there that is.

NHL Preview: Washington Capitals

2006-09-19T18:52:00.000-04:00

In light of the fact that I am now way behind on the NHL previews, I'm doing two in one day today. Which brings us to part fifteen of our thirty part series. In this case, that means it's finally time for me to preview my favorite team, the Washington Capitals. (Because of the technical difficulty induced delay, Eric at Off Wing Opinion already beat me to this, but still read mine anyway.)

Back in 1972, when the Washington Senators packed up and moved to Texas, the Nation's Capital was faced with a serious quandary. The Senators' departure left a gaping hole in the local sports landscape, which suddenly found itself without a comically bad team to be the butt of everybody's jokes. The Washington Bullets were consistent playoff contenders just six years away from their first (and currently only) NBA championship, and the Redskins had just reached Super Bowl VII under head coach George Allen. Luckily for DC sports fans everywhere, the Washington Capitals played their first season in 1974-75 and saved them from the torture of having only to succesful teams to root for, going 8-67-5 in their inaugural year (a mark that still stands as the all time record for the worst record in an NHL season).

The Capitals' reign as the biggest joke in Washington sports lasted somewhere between eight and ten years (depending on who you ask) before they handed the mantle over to the Bullets. In 1983, they made the playoffs for the first time, and continued to do so for seventeen of the next twenty seasons before missing the 1997 playoffs (They made up for it by going all the way o the Stanley Cup Finals in 1998). But don't let a string of playoff appearances fool you. For all their regular season success, the Capitals rarely made it past the first round of the playoffs, usually as a result of a horrible, heartbreaking loss to the Pittsburgh Penguins. In fact, out of eighteen playoff appearances, the Capitals only advanced to the third round of the playoffs only twice.

The long term results of the team constantly hovering just below "great" but just above "mediocre" meant that they weren't bad enough to earn high draft picks, but they weren't good enough to attract premier players. That all changed when current owner Ted Leonsis purchased the team in 1999 and began binging on high-priced free agents, ultimately culminating in the spectacular disaster that was the 2003-04 season, a season that eventually saw the team trade Jaromir Jagr, Sergei Gonchar, Peter Bondra and then NHL leading scorer Robert Lang. Which is why the team now finds itself once again occupying the throne of "Worst Team in DC". With a team stocked mostly with rookies and journeymen, the Capitals finished 2006 with fourth worst record in the NHL.

The outlook for the Caps isn't all gloom and doom, though. If you've payed even the slightest bit of attention to the hockey highlights on Sportscenter (I realize you probably haven't) you know about last year's Rookie of the Year Alex Ovechkin. Perhaps the best young players the NHL has seen since Wayne Gretzky took the ice for the Edmonton Oilers, Ovechkin single-handedly won several games for the Caps last year, and should show marked improvement this year. Helping him out will be Alexander Semen, returned from his "compulsory military service" in Russia, and fan favorite Richard Zednik, who returns to the Caps after three years in Montreal. The added firepower should help to take some pressure of Ovechkin, allowing him to really flourish.Being the unabashed homer that I am, the Caps are my pick to surprise everyone by making a run at the playoffs during the 2006-07 season.

When it comes to Capitals blogging, you've got a whole slew of options. Be sure to check out Japer's Rink, Capital Punishment, Bleatings From a Caps Nut, Puckhead's Thoughts and A View From the Cheap Seats. If that's not enough, don't forget that DCSportsChick is a very respectable Caps fan, and Off Wing Opinion, being based locally, tends to give the Caps more than their fair share of coverage as well. Last but not least, don't forget to check out Caps owner Ted Leonsis' blog, Ted's Take.

NHL Preview: Tampa Bay Lightning

2006-09-19T18:06:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the delay, folks. I've been working against some technical difficulties involving my internet access here at Casa de Biff, but it looks like I'm back up and running, which means it's time for part fourteen of our NHL previews, the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Last year, the Tampa Bay Lightning fell just short in their epic quest to become the first defending Stanley Cup Champions to miss the playoffs entirely since the 1995-96 New Jersey Devils. (Ironically, the Devils actually missed out on the final spot to Tampa Bay, which means the Thrashers and Maple Leafs didn't just miss out on the eight seed last year, they missed out on the 2016 Stanley Cup.) Their other epic quest, the one where they tried to repeat as Stanley Cup Champions ended less than two weeks later when they were ousted by Ottawa in the first round.

During the offseason the 'Ning, as they are affectionately called, didn't make many waves. Former Columbus Blue Jackets starter Marc Denis is a bit of an upgrade over John Grahame. The Lightning picked up Denis in exchange for winger Fredrik Modin, a thirty-goal scored whose production they failed to replace. As a result, expect a decrease in goals for to offset the potential decrease in goals against, resulting in another finish towards the lower end of the conference.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: I am aware that this preview is short and uninformative, and I apologize. Fact is, the Lightning are one of the most unremarkable franchises in the NHL. As evidenced by the fact that I couldn't find a single Lightning blog that had been updated in the past four months.)

Hooray, Beer!

2006-09-18T18:18:00.000-04:00

Hello all you DC Sportsbloggers.
It's time for another Happy Hour.
Blissfully, this time we'll be in Washington, at Stetson's , located at 1610 U St NW - more importantly, 3 small blocks from my house - for easier stumbling home.
This Thursday the 21st, 7:00ish.
Added bonus? You get to make fun of me for my shitty alma mater's football team. UVa plays Ga. Tech that night. Wahoowa, indeed. Pfft.

Tom Cruise: Offensive Coordinator

2006-09-18T12:18:00.000-04:00

When the announcement was made that Tom Cruise would be joining into a business partnership with Redskins owner Dan Snyder, a great cry went up throughout the land. Finding a Redskins fan who wanted to be associated with Tom Cruise's special brand of crazy was like trying to find someone who had gone to see Cruise's last movie. This was mostly due to Cruise's association with the Church of Scientology and his controversial views on psychiatry, but few fans thought it would have any affect on the actual on-field performance of the football team.

It is a little known fact, however, that in addition to their non-sensical views on psychiatry, Scientologists also have some absurd beliefs when it comes to the forward pass in football. More specifically, Scientologists do not believe in throwing the football more than eight yeards down the field at any given time. Also, according to Scientology, no football should ever be thrown except on third down.

While this strategy is seemingly, in the words of Tom Jackson, "retarded", the Scientologists are actually one step ahead of teams like the Cowboys. Apparently, long pass completions result in extraordinarily high levels of Thetans in the arms and hands, resulting in a high number of dropped balls (and broken fingers). If Scientologists are correct, by Week 15, Redskins recievers will be laughing all the way to the endzone.

When asked about his inexplicably conservative play calling during the game against Dallas, Redskins' assistant head coach (offense) Al Saunders replied "You don't know the history of passing. I do." When pressed further by NBC sideline reporter Andrea Kremer, he replied "You're glib, Andrea. You're just... you're glib."

NHL Preview: Florida Panthers

2006-09-16T12:14:00.000-04:00

We're halfway through September and you know what that means: Part thirteen of our thirty part series previewing the new hockey year. Today? The Florida Panthers.

When history looks back at the summer of 2006, what it will remember best is Evgeni Malkin's Midnight Ride and the Disaster of Long Island. What will get lost in all the haze is the truly entertaining teams of the NHL offseason, the Florida Panthers. The Panthers entered the offseason with a slew of needs to be filled. The only position on the ice that they could be truly confident in was goaltending. Robert Luongo was one of the elite goaltenders in the league, if not the outright best. While his numbers weren't especially gaudy when compared to other elite goaltenders in places like Calgary or New York, after adjusting for the fact that the defense allowed shot totals well above the thirty per game mark his numbers probably ranked with some of the best to ever play the game. He was the type of player that a GM can build a franchise around. Or, in the case of Mike Keenan, the type of player that can be traded for a sociopathic power forward.

In a deal that shocked the world (or at least some parts of Western Canada) Keenan traded his premier goalie to Vancouver for much maligned winger Todd "Batshit Crazy" Bertuzzi. The end result of the deal is that the Panthers now have more question marks than they did at the end of the season back in April. Yet somehow people were still surprised when Keenan ~~got the boot~~ resigned earlier this month.

It's a shame too. Keenan actually did a decent job of bolstering the defense, which would have given Luongo a chance to really flourish. Instead, the defense is now responsible for protecting former Maple Leaf Ed Belfour, who signed with the Panthers because they were the closest team to his new retirement home. It's a tough task for the Florida defense, given the fact that Belfour may very well break into tiny little pieces if a puck should actually hit him. If Belfour goes down, his backup is Bertuzzi trade afterthought Alex Auld, who brings to the table one year of experience as a starter on an otherwise playoff-worthy Canucks team.

Of course, Belfour could stay healthy and perform with some of his former skill in net, and the change of scenery might help Bertuzzi break out of the season-long funk he found himself in after being reinstated to the league. Combined with the newly bolstered defensive corps and the return of Olli Jokinen and his big new contract, such an occurance could result in the Panthers' first playoff berth in seven years.

To follow all the excitement in South Florida, check out Panthers Den for all your blogging needs.

NHL Preview: Carolina Hurricanes

2006-09-15T14:44:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the twelfth part of our thirty part series ushering in the coming NHL season. Today, the focus is on the defending Stanley Cup champion Carolina Hurricanes.

Ah, the Carolina Hurricanes. As near as I can tell, they are more or less immune to my jokes. They fail to lose with any sort of consistency. None of their players are insufferable douchebags. Heck, I can't even use a funny picture to accompany their preview (I'm still surprised they're even allowed to continue using the name "Hurricanes"). Truth is, if it were not for the fact that they play in the same division as my beloved Washington Capitals, I would probably have a soft spot for the 'Canes. It isn't often a team gets to make a Cinderella run to the Stanley Cup Finals twice in the span of four years (see: 1996 Florida Panthers, 1998 Capitals), let alone actually win one. But that is exactly what they did last year, edging out their former WHA brethren Edmonton Oilers in a seven game final for the ages.

But they do play in the same division as the Caps. And objectivity is not one of my strong suits. As if it weren't bad enough to watch the Tampa Bay Lightning win the Southeast Division's first Stanley Cup back in 2004, the Hurricanes had to rub it in by bringing the Cup back down South for the second straight season. But don't feel bad for me. Feel bad for all the people in Hartford, CT (best logo ever, by the way) who had to watch as the team that was taken from them celebrated a championship hundreds of miles away, cheered on by idiot fans who had no appreciation for their own good fortune. At least the Colts have had the decency to choke badly in the playoffs every year. Luckily for the folks in Connecticut, and for the general populace, it won't happen again this year.

As often happens with a succesful team, several of the key cogs from Carolina's run to the Cup have since cashed in and gone on to greener pastures. Doug Weight, Mark Recchi, Matt Cullen, Martin Gerber and Aaron Ward all signed free agent deals elsewhere, and the team couldn't have hoped to replace them in just one offseason. Add to that the fact that Cory Stillman and Frantisek Kaberle will miss four and six months respectively after both undergoing offseason shoulder surgery. (Note from Sabres fans: Karma's a bitch, ain't it?) Probably the biggest loss is Gerber, who spent alot of time as Carolina's number one guy in net last season. If Cam Ward struggles, instead of a safety net, he now has John Grahame (kind of like tightrope walking over Niagra Falls). When all is said and done, look for the Hurricanes to end their quest for a repeat in the second round of the playoffs.

For all your Hurricane blogging needs, you're welcome to try the beautifully named Carolina Hurricanes Stanley Cup Champions Blog or the (slightly) more creatively named Hurricane Watch, though neither seem to be updated too often. Probably off having sex with their girlfriends, who like them because their favorite team has actually ever won anything. Losers.

U2 Ruins Everything

2006-09-15T09:02:00.000-04:00

I awoke to some dreadful news this morning. U2 and Green Day are going to perform a charity cover version of "The Saints Are Coming" by The Skids before The New Orleans Saints' home game on September 25th. Why "dreadful" you ask? I'll tell you.

I swear to God, Bono ruins everything I love. To wit: in the middle of "I'm Your Man," a recent serviceble documentary about the genius Leonard Cohen, up pops Bono himself, blathering on about the fundamental "Irishness" of Cohen's writing. Irish? Really? Pfft. And to add insult to injury, the ubiquitous Mr. Paul Hewson insinuated himself into another documentary about Charles Bukowski that I was really enjoying. Goddammit, Bono, why do you have to sully all good things with your mere presence?

Don't get me wrong, of course I wish the best for New Orleans, a city I love (see the pattern?) but am tired of seeing these holier-than-thou assholes ravage even the purest of intentions - helping the fine people of the Crescent City. Please go away, U2.

And Green Day? I don't even have any words.

NHL Preview: Atlanta Thrashers

2006-09-14T10:08:00.000-04:00

It's time for the eleventh installment of our thirty part series previewing the fast approaching NHL season. For those of you who were rather enjoying DefDude's most excellent previews, you are completely out of luck. Southeast division previews are being brought to you by yours truly. Check back in a week, when DefDude starts previewing the Northwest division. But for today, let's look at the Atlanta Thrashers.

The Atlanta Thrashers? Where to begin. Ordinarily, I fill this first paragraph with tales of a franchise's glory days. Problem being, with the Thrashers, the closest thing they have to a glory day is the day they drafted the (then) best Russian prospect ever in Ilya Kovalchuk (pronounced Koval-chook for you ignorant, non-Russian speakers). Other than that, the hockey fan(s) in the ATL had very little to get excited about in the franchise's first five seasons (plus lockout). Things started looking up last year, as the Thrashers were in the thick of the playoff race (well, if not the thick, then they were out there on the edge fighting for the eighth spot) up until their second to last game of the season. They eventually finished tied with the Toronto Maple Leafs for the sixth worst record in the Eastern Conference (or ninth best, if you're a glass half full type). This year, the team embarks on a noble quest to be only the eighth worst team and bring the joy of playoff hockey to the state of Georgia for the first time since the Jimmy Carter administration.

It won't be easy. The only real bright spot for the Thrash (great nickname, by the way) this offseason was the signing of backup netminder Johan "Headcase" Hedberg (you can also call him "Moose" if youd like). While he will provide a stabilizing presence in net when Kari Lehtonen inevitably goes down with an injury, the fact that he is batshit crazy should probably be a cause for concern. Not as much, though, as the loss of Jaroslav Modry, which has left their already thin defensive corps in a very bad state.

The only really good move the Thrashers front office made was the decision to do away with the team's dark blue home sweaters, and replace them with the significantly more aesthetically pleasing third jerseys (ostensibly, this was because this is the only reason anybody outside of the NHL even knows who the Thrashers are).

To keep up with the Atlanta hockey team via blog (because, really, what other way is there?) check out Thrash Talk.

NHL Preview: The Great Satan

2006-09-13T00:43:00.000-04:00

Here we go. The moment we've (read: I've) all been wating for. Our tenth part of the thirty part series previewing the impending NHL year. In it, DefDude turns his eye to my own personal mortal enemies, the Pittsburgh Penguins.

What a tumultuous offseason it has been for hockey fans in the Steel City. From their Golden Boy losing out on “his” Calder trophy, uncertainty over the team’s ownership and future in the city, and the three ring Russian circus brought by Russian prospect Evgeni Malkin’s covert arrival to the United States, there has rarely been a dull moment for fans in Pittsburgh, which is good for them, because it isn’t like Pittsburgh ever received an inordinate amount of attention from the media before this offseason despite its being an ailing franchise in a small market or anything.

After being an active player in the free agent market last year, only to watch their overpriced veterans underperform and lead the team nowhere but backwards (except for Sergei Gonchar, since he can’t even skate that direction, much less lead a team in it), Pittsburgh elected to stay relatively quiet this go round, with the only acquisition of note being the return of veteran winger Mark Recchi to help solidify the offense and bring an experienced voice of leadership to the locker room. This season, the youngsters on Pittsburgh’s roster will be given a chance to prove their mettle at the NHL level and blossom into bona fide NHL stars, a youth movement to be led by the potentially devastating 1-2 punch of Sidney “Golden boy” Crosby and the aforementioned Evgeni “Here’s hoping he’s Ovechkin 2.0” Malkin, along with elite goaltending prospect Marc-Andre Fleury, who has the potential to be a Vezina contender in a few years if he can develop greater consistency.

Hampering this team's development, however, will be the presence of a certain few leftovers from last season's spending binge. Sergei Gonchar, who should never, ever be asked to do anything more than improve a power play, will now most likely be looked to as the #1 defenseman due to his salary and wealth of experience. This despite the fact that he doesn’t actually know how to play defense, and will instead steal a roster spot from a player with much more potential for development, all while compiling an impressive -20 or worse defensive rating. The question of leadership also poses an issue for such a young team; while it might seem intuitive to ask the experienced Recchi to assume a vocal leadership position, he had a well publicized spat with Sidney Crosby last season, and any move on the part of management to suggest a trust in Recchi could alienate the Golden Boy. Conversely, Crosby himself has not displayed the maturity to assume a leadership role yet, instead doing little but annoying and frustrating both teammates and officials with his constant on-ice complaining. Not to mention the historical argument against giving such a large role to such a young player. The only other veteran on the team, Gonchar, has displayed no leadership skills over his long career, leaving the team in a tight bind, the solution to which will have long lasting repercussions for the city of Pittsburgh…assuming, of course, the team is there long enough to see those repercussions.

If you'd like to follow all the Pens related blogging fun, you've got quite a few options. Check out The Hockey Knight, Pittsburgh Penguins Report or Pittsburgh Penguins Blog. But remember that if you do, the terrorists have won.

NHL Preview: Philadelphia Flyers

2006-09-12T09:12:00.000-04:00

The ninth part of our thirty part series previewing the looming NHL season is here. Join us as DefDude takes a look at the Philadelphia Flyers.

Ah, Philadelphia, the city of endless optimism, where hope abounds at the turn of each season, with beautiful visions of an end to the city’s long-endured championship drought dancing through the mind of every Philadelphian, only to find those dreams irreparably maimed and mangled on the side of the road, hemorrhaging violently from the rape and pillage inflicted by whichever team decided to leave Philadelphia in its wake. Will this be the season that Philadelphia finally breaks through, and the city earns its first major sports championship in over a quarter of a century? If it is, it certainly won’t be the Flyers who deliver.

When goaltending has been a team’s undoing in each and every season of the new millennium, one would think something would be done to address such a situation, with, say, and effort made to bring in a top notch, reliable goaltender, right? Not when your GM is as afraid of marquee goaltenders as Biff is of bees and other such stinging insects. And with the retirement of defensive stalwart Eric Desjardins, the departure of responsible two-way center Michal Handzus, and the continuing health issues faced by captain Keith Primeau, the job that falls to whichever flash in the pan Bob Clarke deems worthy of leading his team to a ~~Stanley Cup run~~ heart-wrenching playoff failure grows exponentially more difficult.

Not all is lost in Philadelphia, however. As I write this, reports indicate that premier winger Simon Gagne just signed a brand spankin' new five-year deal, and the return for Handzus, former Blackhawks winger Kyle Calder, is a dynamic offensive threat. If the ailing Peter Forsberg can stay healthy, the Flyers will have o of the most potent offenses in the NHL this season, assuming of course, that coach Ken Hitchcock can loose up his necktie a little bit (no small feat for a man whose girth is in no way synonymous with the first adjective used in this parenthetical statement) and allow his gifted forwards the freedom to be creative in the offensive zone. If Forsberg stays healthy, and Hitchcocks big guns are allowed to do their thing, the Flyers will be a force in the Eastern Conference, likely winning their division and probably finding their way into the second round of the playoffs, with the conference finals as a distinct possibility. But unless Clarke makes a midseason deal for someone more reliable than Robert Esche or Antero Nittymaki, call an ambulance, because we’re about to see another corpse bullied on Broad Street.

Check out Clarke's Boys for all the Flyers blogging you could ever possibly need.

Happiness Is...

2006-09-11T10:58:00.000-04:00

Listening to the chorus of boos cascading down from the Giants Stadium faithful as Jeremy Shockey, with less than a minute left in the game and no time outs left, catches the ball at the sidelines and immediately turns toward the middle of the field and gets tackled. Welcome back, NFL.

NHL Preview: New York Rangers

2006-09-11T09:52:00.000-04:00

Today brings the eight installment of our series previewing the fast approaching NHL season. Today, DefDude gives you the skinny on the New York Rangers and does an astoundingly good job of containing his scathing vitriol towards Jaromir Jagr. (Me? Not so much, apparently.)

Well, that was shocking, to say the least. After dumping the high-priced free agent approach that led to 8 consecutive seasons of missing the playoffs, the Rangers were poised to fall to the very bottom of the barrel in 2005-06. With a questionable-at-best goaltending situation and a shallow, one-man offense, most experts were picking the Rangers to be comparable only to the Washington Capitals for season long futility. Then Henrik Lundqvist decided “Yea, I’m a rookie, but I’m also Swedish, so the rules obviously don’t apply to me,” and decided to go become not only the best goaltender in the Rangers organization, but one of the top five goaltenders in the league, and the Rangers suddenly went from a crappy young team to a halfway decent young team. Then something really crazy happened: Jaromir Jagr, completely surrounded by fellow Czechs, forgot that he was playing for an NHL franchise and not his home country, so he figured it’d be ok if he actually skated hard and gave a shit every, ya know, third shift or so, and then the Rangers went from being a halfway decent young team to the surprisingly good ~~Czech National~~ Veteran-Led team that won the Atlantic division…and then Jagr realized he was in the NHL, refused to show up for the playoffs, and the Rangers were steamrolled by the Devils in one of the most pathetic showings by a 3rd seed in the history of the current playoff format. (Biff's Note: Nothing compared to the 2nd seeded '99-'00 Capitals. Not that I'm bitter about that or anything.)

So where does that leave the Rangers for this year? Well, Lundqvist should only be better, and the addition of 40-goal scorer Brendan Shanahan gives the Rangers a suddenly potent second line that will make it much more difficult for opponents to key in merely on Jagr’s line (Not that that tactic worked out so well for opponents last season). But in the end, this team’s fortunes will depend on which Jagr decides to show up for opening night and beyond: The motivated, dominating vintage version who barely missed out on the Art Ross and Hart trophies as the NHL’s leading scorer and MVP, respectively, or the lazy, disinterested one who played two seasons for Washington and one playoff series for the Rangers lasts season. If it’s the former, you can expect another uncontested Atlantic division title, and depending on how well the defense comes along, a distinctly possible ECF berth. If it is the latter, however, Rangers fans can expect to see something eerily similar to that which they were accustomed before the lockout……a putting green come May.

To follow all the exciting developments on the isle of Manhattan, check out Blueshirts on Broadway or Broadway Blue (they're creative up there in the Big Apple, no?).

NHL Preview: New York Islanders

2006-09-10T10:09:00.000-04:00

Part seven of our thirty part series previewing the upcoming NHL season is once again brought to you by DefDude, and is today focused on the New York Islanders.

Do I actually have to write this? Can’t we just all accept the fact that the Islanders will be the worst team in the NHL and move on? No, my contract stipulates at least three paragraphs? Ok, here you go:

What.

A.

Joke.

Where to begin? Their owner is Charles Wang, and if that last name didn’t tip you off, he seems to be more concerned with making people laugh (Or cry, if you live on Long Island), than with icing a competitive hockey team. Friend OldChelsea sums up this, and another situation nicely in a recent message board post:

Once upon a time there was a baseball team whose very name was synonymous with fundamental soundness in the sport: building through the farm system and adding just the right trades or FA signings to fill specific needs...emphasising strong pitching (all those 20-game winners and Cy Young laureates), tight defence (led by a legendary third baseman with 16 consecutive Gold Gloves) and timely hitting. But starting about twenty years ago that organisation began to deteriorate...the farm system withered, ownership became more meddlesome, and potential free agents actually (if the stories are to be believed) crossing that team off their itineraries...and the losing seasons continue to mount, and attendance (despite a much-admired ballpark) is down.
And once upon a time there was a hockey team which, in its own way, was also synonymous with the 'right way' of doing things: building through the draught(sic) (including three Calder Trophy winners in the franchise's first decade of existence) and making the right trades to fill needs...and this would be borne out splendidly with four Stanley Cups. But as time passed and the stars of those teams aged and/or left, the organisation lost the plot and ultimately went through a nightmarish series of ownership shifts, and is now hitting rock-bottom...no playoff series wins since 1993, a string of seven straight seasons out of the playoffs (two short of league record), and finishing dead last in the league in attendance in 2005-06.
The baseball team is the Baltimore Orioles...the hockey team is the New York Islanders...and their recent histories have an eerie symmetry...although I must agree Charles Wang is a much more entertaining read than Peter Angelos.

I hate to fuck Islanders fans any more than Wang already has, but 3 different men have held the position of Islanders GM this summer, and yet when it came arbitration time, it was not the current GM/Backup goaltender Garth Snow, but former GM Mike Milbury. It’s lucky for the Islanders management that Garth Snow won’t be encumbered by such duties normally associated with a General Manager position such as, you know, running the team, because it appears all his time will be consumed now by getting himself into top physical condition to become the NHL’s first ever Player-GM. Or at least that’s the plausible explanation for Wang’s refusal to allow negotiations to begin with starting goaltender/Free Agent Rick DiPietro until Wang returns from vacation, and a deadline that he be signed by training camp, which will leave a window of negotiation lasting…….5 days, assuming Wang doesn’t change his mind and stay on vacation for awhile longer. After all, who would want to go back to that mess in New York?

If, for whatever reason, you want in on the Isles blog-related masochism, check out Inferno Isle.

NHL Preview: New Jersey Devils

2006-09-09T12:55:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the sixth part of our thirty part series previewing the upcoming NHL season. We have a special treat for you today, as today's preview (and all previews for the Atlantic division) are brought to you by Opossum-Palooza special correspondent DefDude. Please give him a warm welcome and don't throw anything at him or you're likely to find out why we rarely let him out of his cage. His first preview? The New Jersey Devils. I'll turn it over to him:

One of the most successful franchises in the NHL over the past decade, the New Jersey Devils (whose team nickname, by the way, was actually decided upon by current GM/overlord Lou Lamiorello, who said at the time: “I just want a franchise named after someone my kids can look up to.” Fucking weirdo) fell to the middle of the pack last season, placing 6th in the Eastern Conference and being eliminated in the second round of the playoffs by the eventual Stanley Cup champion Caroli……ugh, I still haven’t accepted this. Nope, not saying it. Wait for Biff’s next set of previews before you get validation of that fact. But back to the point: The Devils’ second round elimination was, by their standards, a disappointment. And unfortunately for New Jersey fans, whose numbers have fallen back down to mere double-digits now that it’s cool to be a Rangers fan again, it only gets worse. New Jersey’s most consistent strength, the defense, was a mediocre 14th in the league at even strength last season, and with Richard Matvichuk set to start the season on the Injured Reserve while recovering from offseason back surgery, that number is likely to only get worse.

Luckily for fans in America’s armpit, the Devils have one of the league’s premier scoring lines to help offset the defensive shortcomings in Patrick Elias, Scott Gomez, and Brian Giont…….wait, what’s that? Oh right, Brian Gionta hasn’t been re-signed yet, nor have 7 other restricted free agents. And to top it all off, the Devils are already a reported $2 Million above the salary cap of $44 Million after accepting Scott Gomez’s arbitration award of $5 million, which, when combined with last season’s boneheaded decision to give Patrick Elias a new contract worth $7.5 mil, ties up 30% of the team’s cap space.

Now, many hockey writers and owners will probably decry this and similar situations as evidence that the salary cap punishes good teams by making it impossible for them to hold onto their key players (Biff, feel free to throw in a Eugene Melnyk reference here), which is kinda true. Except that I’d prefer to see successful teams being forced to come up with creative means of keeping their best payers than going back to the old days of watching the Rangers and Red Wings use not so creative ways of stealing small market teams’ best players. That, and since the Devils are the ones who ruined the NHL of the old CBA with the introduction of the trap, I feel it is only proper that they be the team to be shafted the most by the new CBA. While the combination of Martin Brodeur (whom I avoided calling overrated even once in this post, despite the fact that he is, by a longshot) in net and a continued adherence to the trap will probably net New Jersey a playoff spot, and may even let them vie for a divisional title, they are officially my sleeper pick for the 2006-07 Most Likely Team to Fall Flat on its Face and Unexpectedly Into the Lottery. And may they rot there for a good long while, because God knows damning them to hell clearly has done no good.

For more NJ Devils blogging fun, check out On Fire.

NHL Preview: Toronto Maple Leafs

2006-09-08T21:37:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the fifth part of our thirty part series previewing the upcoming NHL season. Today, we look at the last of the five teams in the Northeast Division, the Toronto Maple Leafs.

It's hard to believe, but there was a time when the Toronto Maple Leafs were a force to be reckoned with in the NHL. The Leafs' 13 Stanley Cup victories leave them second to only the Montreal Canadiens. But, much like the Canadiens, the current incarnation of the Maple Leafs have not seen much success, having last won the Cup in 1967.

Imagine, for a moment, if the New York Yankees were to go 39 years without winning the World Series, and you'll get a rough idea of the level of frustration among Leafs fans the world over. After missing the playoffs altogether for the first time in eight years, the Maple Leafs fired longtime coach Pat Quinn and replaced him with the coach of their AHL affiliate Paul Maurice.

He will be coaching a far more talented squad than the one that sank Quinn in '06. The Leafs did an excellent job of fixing the holes left by the departures of Ed Belfour and Eric Lindros and the buyout of Tie Domi, starting with the '06 draft, where they traded for Boston goaltender and former Rookie of the Year Andrew Raycroft. They followed that up with a very succesful series of free agent signings, including defencemen Hal Gill, Pavel Kubina (a large part of Tampa Bay's '04 Stanley Cup run) and, perhaps best of all, top notch defensive forward and '06 playoff hero Michael Peca.

They'll need the added defense those three guys bring, because the goaltending situation in Toronto is still somewhat tenuous at best. They are looking at a three way battle royale for the starting job between Raycroft, Turin gold medalist Mikael Tellqvist and J.S. Aubin, who had some success at the end of last year after taking over for Belfour. If he can return to the level of play that earned him the 2004 Calder Trophy, the Leafs could make a run deep into the playoffs. If, however, he continues his poor play from last season (a far more likely scenario) it could turn into a long year for the Toronto faithful.

Either way, make sure to check out budBlog for all your Maple Leafs blogging needs.

WEEKLY FANTASY HOCKEY UPDATE: The O-P Hockey League has four members. Act quickly, as there are only eight slots left.

NHL Preview: Ottawa Senators

2006-09-07T09:28:00.000-04:00

Part number four of our thirty part series previewing the fast approaching NHL season. This time around, its all about the Ottawa Senators.

The original Ottawa Senators existed as a very succesful franchise from 1901-1934, winning the Stanley Cup ten times before moving to St. Louis in '34 and folding the following year. Following the Senators' departure, the country's capital city spent many years without a team participating in the national pastime. Sound familiar?

After an absence of 58 years (compared to a measley 33 for baseball in Washington, DC) the Senators franchise was revived in 1991. Much like the current Washington Nationals, the expansion Senators sucked all kinds of ass, finishing their inaugural season with a record of 10-70-4, which was just shy of the all time worst 1974-75 Washington Capitals, who finished 8-67-5 in their first year. Much like the Capitals of the late 80s and early 90s, the Senators have since turned it around to become a perennial contender during the regular season (they are going for their tenth straight playoff appearance in 06-07), only to flame out come playoff time, usually at the hands of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Will this year be the year they finally break through to the Stanley Cup Finals? Probably not. After losing Zdeno Chara to Boston and Dominik Hasek to Detroit's injured reserve this team is significantly weaker than the one that was bumped by the Buffalo Sabres in the second round. However, goaltender Martin Gerber could be poised to have a breakout year, in which case the Sens' potent offense could be enough to carry them to considerable postseason success.

Need more Senators blogging? Check out Senators Underground.

NHL Preview: Montreal Canadiens

2006-09-06T10:06:00.000-04:00

Welcome to part three of our thirty part series previewing the NHL season. Today's topic dujoir: The Montreal Canadiens. (Note: For full effect, this entire preview should be read out loud with a bad French accent.)

The Montreal Canadiens, also known as the Habs for those of you who want to impress that French-Canadian woman at the bar, are one of the oldest, most succesful teams in professional sports. Only the New York Yankees have more championships (26 to the Habs' 24). This is, of course, completely meaningless when it comes time to play actual hockey games, much to the chagrin of Quebecois everywhere. Since winning their last Stanley Cup thirteen years ago, the team has missed the playoffs five times and bowed out in the first round an additional four. They have yet to make it out of the second round since the days when Patrick Roy led them to glory.

This year doesn't look to be much different. After being eliminated in the first round in 2006, the Canadiens made few significant moves during the summer, signing forward Sergei Samsonov and trading underachieving winger Richard Zednik to Washington for a third round draft pick. Their most significant personnel move actually came in the midst of the '05-'06 season, when they traded starting goaltender Jose Theodore to Colorado in exchange for Avalanche starter David Abeischer. In continuing the proud Montreal tradition of goaltenders with names that invalidate everything you learned from "Hooked On Phonics", Abeischer will compete with Cristobal Huet for the starting job during training camp. All in all, another first round exit would probably be an optimistic outlook this year for the Habs.

"Habs", by the way, is short for "Les Habitants", for those of you who were wondering. The nickname stems from a 1924 incident in which Madison Square Garden owner Tex Rickard was erroneously informed that the H in the Canadiens logo stood for "habitants", at the time a French-Canadian term for Quebecois farmers, since all the players came from life on farms. The H actually stands for "hockey", as in "Club de Hockey Canadien" which was the name of the team at the time, but the nickname stuck, an everlasting tribute to the power of ignorant Americans named Tex.

For your Habs-related blogging, check out The Habs Network.

NHL Preview: Buffalo Sabres

2006-09-05T00:18:00.000-04:00

Part two of our thirty part series previewing the NHL season focuses on the Buffalo Sabres.

The Sabres were content to stand pat for the most part during this offseason, which was probably a wise choice, given that in '06 they took the eventual Stanley Cup Champions to seven games in the Conference Championship Game. They are, arguably, the favorites to win the ~~Prince of Wales~~ Eastern Conference in '07.

But a lack of player personnel moves in the offseason has not equaled a lack of activity in Buffalo. In what, if true, is arguably one of the most important moves of the summer by any team, the Sabres decided that this wasn't nearly fierce enough. In order to give themselves more competitive advantage, the Sabres have made sure that teams making the trek to upstate New York will now be faced with this under their skates at center ice. So far, the only complaints about the new logo have come from the engineers in charge of maintaing the ice surface, whose job it is to scrape the players' vomit off of the ice. Oh, and also this little website.

Seriously though. What the hell is wrong with the people who do graphic design for the NHL? As bad as the new Sabres logo (affectionately refered to as the Buffa-Slug) is, it probably isn't even the worst idea for a uniform redesign that we've seen. Remember the Islanders' Fisherman? Or the Canucks' V (For victory, by the way. NOT for Vancouver)?

Let's face it, when it comes to truly awful uniform design , the NHL is lightyears ahead of other major pro sports leagues. For every Seattle Seahawk you show me, I'll counter with the inaugural Washington Capitals. Think the Oregon Ducks look particularly bad? Well... okay, so the Nike-designed Oregon unis pretty much take the cake. But the point is, the NHL trots out some really heinous uniforms.

Of course, that said, when the NHL gets it right, a hockey sweater pretty much kicks every other kind of uniform's ass.

Oh, right... the Sabres. Ummm... I'm going to say they finish the season atop the conference and advance to the Stanley Cup Finals.

For all your Buffalo Sabres blogging needs, check out Sabre Rattling.

One Week

2006-09-04T16:09:00.000-04:00

It's Monday. Which can only mean one thing. There are just seven days left before the Washington Redskins take on the Minnesota Vikings on Monday Night Football. Don't let my constant talk of hockey fool you, I'm extremely excited about the whole thing. This will be my first real Redskins game since that fateful day when I turned 21 years of age.

Now the problem becomes: Where to watch? I honestly have no idea where I should go to watch this game. Obviously, I can't just stay at home, but going to the wrong bar could turn out to be even worse than being alone. So I open it up to you, loyal reader(s). Any suggestions?

NHL Preview: Boston Bruins

2006-09-04T10:43:00.000-04:00

Hello, and welcome to the first of our thirty part series previewing the fast-approaching NHL season. Our subject today? The Boston Bruins.

For years, the Bruins have been something of a blight on the NHL. Like their original-six brethren in Chicago, their calling card was incompetent management. Their hallmark, tight purse strings. In spite of three straight playoff appearances, including two division titles in the relatively weak Northeast division, one got the sense that nothing was really right in Beantown, especially given their inability to make it out of the first round. The advent of the new, salary-capped NHL after last year’s lockout was supposed to help, but half way through an 05-06 campaign that would find them missing the playoffs for the first time in five years, the Bruins traded away their leading scorer (Joe Thornton, arguably the best player in the NHL) to San Jose, leaving many to wonder: What kind of crazy idiot would be willing sign with this team?

After wholesale changes in the front office and coaching staff, it didn’t take long during the offseason to find out. Zdeno Chara, probably the most sought after commodity on the market, was the cream of a surprisingly large free-agent crop for the suddenly free-spending Bruins. Overall, Boston has made sixteen free-agent signings to date during this offseason.

As a result, the Bruins look to be much improved this year after last season’s disappointing results. The addition of Chara adds an imposing blueline presence at both ends of the ice (Chara, if I remember correctly, is one of only three players in the NHL that are so tall, they need a special exemption to the NHL’s rules about stick length) and Patrice Bergeron and Marc Savard provide a potent one-two punch up the middle. Not to mention rookie of the year (you heard it here first, folks) Phil Kessel. My prediction: An exit in the first round at the hands of division rival, Buffalo.

Check out [so.very.obsessed.com] for all your Bruins blogging needs.

Feel the Excitement

2006-09-01T13:13:00.000-04:00

The NHL regular season is just 33 days, 5 hours and 47 minutes away. In case you were wondering. So, starting Monday (hopefully) I'll be putting together previews (hopefully) of all 30 NHL teams, starting with the Boston Bruins. Right now, the goal is (hopefully) to post one per day. Who can say if I'll actually be able to pull it off, especially given my general lack of knowledge regarding the Western Conference, but I'm certainly going to try, by damn.

If you have a favorite (or least favorite) team that you happen to have a lot of knowledge about, please feel free to e-mail opossum-palooza@hotmail.com. Because I'm not too proud to ask for help.

Another O-P Field Trip - With Booze, Of Course

2006-08-30T11:23:00.000-04:00

As some folks around here know, I am a fan of Rugby in general and the New Zealand All-Blacks in particular. Jonah Lomu has long been my Rugby boyfriend. It has come to my attention that there is a fund-raiser this weekend involving, from the press release, "a traditional Irish breakfast, Kiwi meat pies and assorted beverages." (yum). The beneficiary is Alexandria Rugby, an organization that indoctrinates the small-fries into the love of this violently beautiful game.
The event is a televised viewing of the Tri-Nations rugby match between the New Zealand All Blacks and the South Africa Springboks as a fundraiser on Saturday, September 2, 9:00 AM, at O'Connell's Restaurant and Bar in Old Town, Alexandria. There is no charge for entry and all proceeds benefit Alexandria Rugby.

So if the above picture of the two gentleman in black crushing the little Springbok in green intrigues, or even (as it does for me) excites you, please join me to eat, drink and talk shit about a sport hardly any American cares about (Biff's note: My favorite kind of sport). Oh, come on, it'll make you feel all superior.

And if the game itself isn't enough, you should come for the Haka alone. Awesomely fearsome tradition.

Coming Soon: The Sprint Wireless Opossum-Palooza powered by NEXTEL

2006-08-30T08:00:00.000-04:00

Say what you will about Peter Angelos (I certainly have) but there is actually one instance where he is not only in the right, he is a shining beacon of truth and justice: Oriole Park at Camden Yards. I am, of course, loathe to ever side with Angelos on anything, but his ability to remain free of corporate-naming-rights corruption actually astounds me. Especially given the Ravens' home, M&T Bank Stadium (rolls off the tongue, no?) right across the street. Not to mention the new Chevy Chase Bank Field at Byrd Stadium down I-95 at the University of Maryland.

There are few things in sports that rub me the wrong way more than naming sporting venues after corporations. I understand why it happens. I'm not completely stupid. But that doesn't stop me from getting pissed off when "The Capital Centre" becomes "USAir Arena" (I even got pissed when MCI Center was renamed). Nor does it stop me from being quite amused when corporate naming rights backfire, like Enron Field, or BankOne Ballpark (refered to by locals simply as The BOB, much to the chagrin of BankOne bigwigs).

So it is with some fascination that I watch the developments surrounding the artist currently known as Cardinals Stadium. Obviously, it is not likely that the name will remain the same. There have already been some rumors as to who the new sponsor will be, and, ultimately, the name will probably just end up going to the highest bidder. But Off Wing Opinion has alerted me to a fascinating, and altogether brilliant, idea. Pat Tillman Stadium, anybody? If I had any sort of influence over anyone, I would do everything I could to make this a reality.

FANTASY HOCKEY UPDATE: The O-P Hockey League has already added two members, and it is entirely possible, as far as you know, that neither of them are related to me by blood (though not particularly likely). Only nine spots left, so sign up now! (BigTDog earns special honors for choosing a team name that caused me to shoot milk out my nose. At least, it would have, had I been drinking milk. Even if the league doesn't get enough members and I have to scrap the whole thing, that made the whole thing worth it.)

What? Too Soon?

2006-08-27T10:18:00.000-04:00

It's the end of August, folks. A time to look ahead to fall. The new television season and the NFL are right around the corner. It's a time to reflect, and to prepare yourself for your upcoming fantasy draft. In keeping with the times we here at the Opossum-Palooza (and by "we" I of course mean "me". Siobhan had nothing to do with it) have decided to start an official fantasy league for this here blog. Introducing The O-P Fantasy Hockey League. Siobhan's note - more than having "nothing to do with it," I'm actively ignoring the whole sad thing. Fantasy football is bad enough, but fantasy hockey? New lows in sports-geekery.

Yeah. That's right. I said hockey. Forget all this football nonsense, hockey season is just 39 days, 8 hours and 42 minutes away. Which just might be enough time to find eleven other people who actually like hockey. Although I'm not particularly optimistic. If I can't get enough people, I'll probably just scrap the whole thing and play in a public league like I usually do.

So, tell your friends (or your enemies) to go to the Yahoo! Fantasy Sports page to sign up. The league ID# is 12763 and the password is "ovechkin".

I feel dirty.

Thanks a lot, Pacman

2006-08-25T11:47:00.001-04:00

I announced yesterday on this here blog that I am now a Titans fan. Apparently, my boy Pacman Jones heard the momentous news and went out to celebrate. In Mufreesboro, TN. I've been to Mufreesboro. I'm not sure why anyone would go out there, let alone an NFL football player. Tennessee is a tough place to get your drunk on, apparently.
Turns out Pacman mistakenly thought he was playing for the Bengals this year and went and got himself all likkered up and belligerent. And arrested.
It's gonna be a banner year for my maiden voyage as a Titans fan.

The accompanying image was chosen entirely for the benefit of my drunken-kitty-loving friends. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

Why I've Decided I Like the Titans - Historical Perspective

2006-08-24T13:06:00.000-04:00

I was going to spend an inordinate amount of time (a la Bill Simmons and the Premier League) to finding a new NFL team to replace my tepid affair with the Patriots. Then I started doing a little research and decided (with the help of a good, NFL-loving friend) that the Tennessee Titans are the team for me.

First off, the stadium is located a mere 82 miles from my birthplace, which is close enough in that part of the world to be considered a hometown team. If I were, you know, still in KY. And the team had been in Nash Vegas and not Houston when I was a small-fry. I'm old. Then there's the matter of the Houston Oilers. I loved Warren Moon when I was a little girl, bereft of my own NFL team. And nothing tops the hideosity of the Houston Oilers, #1 Song.

And I would be terribly remiss if I didn't mention that the flashy Titans logo at the top of this post is from the light show at an Oak Ridge Boys' concert to celebrate the opening of Adelphia Stadium - the home of the Titans.

The mind boggles.

Finally, as I research more, I'm sure that I'll find a legitimate, football-based reason to cheer for these Titans. In the interim, if you can give me any substantive information on the Titans, nee Oilers, I'd be forever grateful. I don't want to seem like a dumb broad at the bar when all the cool kids are talking about football.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Tiger Woods

2006-08-21T22:16:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, upon my remarking that Tiger Woods was leading the PGA Championship, my friend replied “Ugh, how boring.” And at the time, I agreed with her. However, due to the fact that I was lampooned into attending a family function on Sunday, I watched Tiger’s entire dominating final round from start to finish and during the process I came to the conclusion that if you consider yourself a sports fan to any extent, you are absolutely required to root, and root hard, for Tiger Woods.

My friend’s argument was that she was sick of seeing Tiger win all the time. Who wants to watch the same two or three people (or teams) competing for titles every single year? At this point, Tiger winning a major has become seemingly routine. He is now 12 for 12 when leading or tied for the lead going into the final round. Watching the tournament on Sunday, it wasn’t a question of “if” Tiger would win, it was “by how much?”

And therein lies the fun. If you watch the final round of a major, you are no longer seeing Tiger compete against the other golfers on the course that day. You are seeing Tiger compete against Tiger. Against Jack Nicklaus. Against history. He had a chance on Sunday to set an all time record for score relative to par in a major championship and as a result, in spite of his five stroke cushion, you could still see the frustration on his face when he missed a makeable birdie putt on the 16th hole. Or when he bogeyed 17. In most cases where an athlete has a chance to break a record, you’ll hear him say things like “All that really matters to me is winning.” Tiger? Not so much.

“That’s great, Biff” you say, “but why does it mean I have to root for him?”

Nowadays in sports (there are those of you who will argue that golf is not a sport and you're objection is duly noted and, for the purposes f this blog, ignored), nothing is really pure. Major League Baseball is a prime example. Tiger Woods dominates the PGA not because he has more money by virtue of playing in a larger market. He doesn't make fifty-foot birdie putts with the aid of performance enhancing drugs. He is simply better than everyone else. There are absolutely no mitigating factors to refute this. Tiger has absolutely no competitive advantage over his fellow golfers other than his extraordinary talent. He has no teamates to prop him up if he should falter, no officials that can err in his favor. He is dominating his sport in a way that no individual ever has or ever will and he is doing it virtually all by himself. The day he wins his nineteenth major, it will be arguably the single greatest sporting accomplishment any of us will ever see in our lifetimes and to root for anything other than that outcome is unacceptable.

Interesting/Enjoyable Travel Note of the Week: I flew from BWI to Long Island on Sunday and as I was sitting in the terminal waiting for my flight to board, who should I find myself sitting next to but none other than John Riggins. The inside dirt on Riggo? He has some seriously nasty toes. Nobody with toes like that should ever wear sandals.

WHO DEY, My Sweet Ass

2006-08-15T15:51:00.000-04:00

I am in a quest to decide which team to back in the NFL. I have a passing interest in the Patriots that I inherited from one particular boyfriend (Biff's Note: In the pantheon of STDs, this ranks somewhere between herpes and scabies), but it's not enough to get me excited about the impending NFL season. So I’m trying to be open-minded about which team fits me best, but after Sunday night’s debacle, I will say with great certainty that I can never, ever cheer for the Cincinnati Bengals.

The evening started innocuously enough, with a lovely dinner at a local oyster bar. I then joined a party of my friends at a bar off Dupont Circle. When I walked in, I noticed a huge din coming from the bar area. And there, in all his glory, was the hugest “Who Dey” Bengals fan I have ever seen in the flesh. Dressed in full Bengals regalia from head to foot, including some ersatz cowboy hat in orange and black stripes (Halloween castoff, perchance?) Wait, does anyone remember that wave-doing, Griffey jersey-wearing, glove-in-the-500-section retard at RFK? He was wearing a cowboy hat too. Is there something about Cincinnati and assholes in cowboy hats? Okay, right, back to my story. This in a bar near Dupont Circle, where the demographic looked like this: 50% desperate alcoholics, 50% gay men. The best analogy I can think of is that it is the equivalent of the Island of Misfit Toys. Needless to say, no one there was paying much attention to the game at all. Even the inveterate sports fans among us (myself included) were watching the game in a slightly passing fashion.

His over-reaction to every single play by the Bengals left me wanting, more than anything, to punch him in his fat, drunken face. Then the coup de grace of douchebaggery: he cheered loudly and for an extended period of time when Clinton Portis was injured. Let me be clear. I am by no means a Redskins fan, but all right-thinking sports fans want Portis in his finest form and cheering for his demise is beyond the pale. Then he drunkenly accosted two unsuspecting Japanese tourists who will now have a great story about big, smelly Americans to tell the folks back home. Soon thereafter he broke a barstool with his fat three-way chili eating-ass and was (mercifully) asked to leave.

So the long and short of it is that I am still in the market for an NFL team. I only know that it can’t be the Bengals, despite an admittedly catchy tune from Bootsy Collins.

Thirty-Six Days to Go

2006-08-06T20:29:00.000-04:00

I've let this go for a while now, due to unbridled laziness, but I just can't pass it up any longer. The fact of the matter is, I just can't pass up a chance to poke fun at the Philadelphia Eagles.

B Smpl 2 mch Tstr

2006-08-05T15:03:00.000-04:00

From the AP report on Floyd Landis' second failed drug test

"I have received a text message from Chatenay-Malabry lab that indicates the 'B' sample of Floyd Landis' urine confirms testosterone was taken in an exogenous way," Pierre Bordry, who heads the French anti-doping council, told The Associated Press shortly after the "B" sample results were released.

A text message? Seriously? I mean, I love text messaging and all, but it seems to me that in a matter as important as this, at least a real phone call would have been appropriate.

Angelos can kiss my... Nevermind.

2006-08-05T12:32:00.000-04:00

As per ususal, DCSportsChick is way ahead of me, but I can't not mention the big news: Nationals games. On television. More specifically, Nationals games on my television. Finally.

I'm actually a little disappointed. The Comcast/MASN dispute was a great target, a good way to release pent up anger. Bad day at work? Complain to someone about how I loathe Comcast. Get cut off in traffic? Fuck Angelos. In fact, the Nats TV issue was the thing that inspired me to start this here blog.

And now its all over. It's a sad day for haters.

It's A Bargain

2006-08-04T19:34:00.000-04:00

As I was watching a Simpsons rerun on Fox 5, Chad Cordero appeared on my screen to inform me that the Nationals will be hosting a blood drive at RFK during a game sometime soon. Sadly, I cannot find anthing online to verify this, but they did something similar last year, so I assume its legit. My favorite part, however, is the fact that, if you show up and give blood, you get two free tickets to a future Nationals game.

That's right. Can't afford Nats tickets? You can, indeed, pay for them in blood.

Update: Just saw the ad again, and I can give you the details I know you've been craving. The blood drive will be happening August 12, from 10 AM - 7 PM. At RFK Stadium. If you're planning on going that day, you should really do this.

Another Ovechkin Highlight Reel

2006-08-04T15:58:00.000-04:00

For the football fans here, I pose this question: In a situation in which a running back finds himself one-on-one with a defender. Would you be more excited to see the runner A) make a spectacular spin move that causes the defender to become confused and fall down B) lower his shoulder and level the defender to the ground?

I ask this not because I have anything relevant to say about football, but because, sometimes, I like to use other sports as analogies when I talk too much about hockey. If you liked Option A, go back a few posts, and view the beautiful video. However, if you like Option B (it's also okay to like both), check out this highlight reel. Please keep in mind that both videos feature the same player.

(Disclaimer: Unfortunately, this was the best Ovechkin hit reel I could find. I'm quite pleased with it except for the accompanying music. I strongly encourage you to turn the sound off.)

Sadly, This Is the Best We Can Come Up With

2006-08-02T20:51:00.000-04:00

We're in a bit of a rut here at the Opossum-Palooza, and we apologize. To make it up to you, please enjoy this video of Washington Capitals winger Alexander Semin scoring an absurdly pretty goal. (I know this doesn't really make up for anything, as I'm sure most of our readers don't give a whit about hockey.) Semin (Siobhan: "Semin. Heh") was with the Caps briefly during the 2003-04 season, then played the past two seasons in Russia. He will be returning to DC this year. As the video will show, it should be quite exciting. If you're in to that sort of thing.

(As an aside, I would just like to say that any and all jokes pertaining to Alexander's last name are encouraged. So long as Siobhan doesn't beat you to it.)

On a not entirely related note, the more I discover things like this, the more I grow to love UniWatch.

Giggle.

2006-07-28T13:24:00.000-04:00

Courtesy of UniWatch, I present to you the most amusing picture you'll see all day. Let us all take a moment and thank god that it happened to someone wearing a Minnesota Vikings uniform.

(Siobhan's Note: Say, is that a whizzinator or a Smoot?)

The Most Beautiful Thing You'll See All Day

2006-07-26T13:43:00.000-04:00

This is already up over at Off Wing Opinion, but I couldn't resist posting it here, too. All 52 of Alex Ovechkin's goals in the 2005-06 season. Enjoy.

RFK Part II: The Pictures

2006-07-25T15:22:00.000-04:00

Okay. Sorry for the delay there. It looks like we've finally worked through all the technical difficulties, so now on to the pictures.

(Siobhan's Note: As Biff drinks beer, his hand grows less steady. Some of these shots look as though they were taken by Katharine Hepburn)

The Hat

The View From Our Seats

The Steam Cleaned Concourse

The Wave

The Corporate Suite

The Closest Thing to Improved Concessions That Biff Could Find

The Reason Biff Couldn't Find Burrito Brothers Next to Section 120

The Douchebag With the Popped Collar

Siobhan's Ass - On my way to smoke and get more beer

The Red Carpet After the Game

And last but not least...

The President Race!!!

For further coverage of all the Grand ReOpening fun, go here and/or here.

Also, huge thanks go out to BigTDog for providing the photographic equipment needed to make this happen. His selfless act makes him the first official Friend of the Opossum Palooza (FOP for short).

"Get Your Red On"

2006-07-22T15:37:00.000-04:00

As promised, the O-P team attended Friday night's Robert F. Kennedy Memorial Stadium Grand Reopening Red Carpet Extravaganza. Needless to say, we arrived late like the quality journalists that we are. We walked past the inflatable wonderland that was the Nats' Fan Zone on East Capitol Street and arrived at the red carpet just in time to hear the fireworks that accompany "rockets' red glare" during the national anthem. Unlike other nights, though, the anthem was also accompanied by a flyover and a bevy of fireworks at the end of the song as well. (Biff's theory: Extra unused "Nats Win!" fireworks.) Standing in line waiting for tickets, we were at least able to see, via television screen in the Team Store, the first pitch being thrown out by the "US Armed Services" (whatever that means).

Upon entering the stadium, we were each handed a (surprisingly good quality) red "W" baseball cap (sponsored by Tickets.com). (Siobhan's Note: These hats smelled like what I remember Wal*Mart smells like: shoddy workmanship and cheap child-labor) After finding our way to our seats (we entered the seating bowl to the tune of Ridin' Dirty, thanks in no small part to Ryan Zimmerman), the rest of the evening proceeded more or less as usual.

As far as the "improvements", a quick rundown of the concourse by Biff found very little to get excited about (Siobhan's Note: Burrito Brothers is next to Section 120, if you're interested - and I think you are.)

All in all, it was a pretty exciting evening, but the fact of the matter is, nothing will do it justice like pictures. Pictures are what you need, and pictures are what you'll get. As soon as we figure out how to make our computers work.

Siobhan's Note: There is still a shockingly small number of beer vendors in the 500-level seats; Budweiser was in troublingly short supply. Cotton candy more your thing? (If it is, I have no idea why you're reading this blog, by the way) I saw roughly 5 vendors of the cloyingly sweet confection to every beer vendor.

Run, You Stupid Fecking President, Run!

2006-07-21T09:11:00.000-04:00

This is what I'll be seeing tonight at the RFK "Grand Re-opening."
How great is that?

Wee! An RFK fieldtrip!

2006-07-20T10:12:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow night marks the "Grand Re-opening" of RFK Stadium and the Washington Nationals here in Washington, and we here at the Opossum-Palooza would be remiss if we failed to cover the "event". Thus, we will be attending tomorrow night's game and reporting on all the exciting goings-on. You can expect a full report on the new and improved RFK (if not a new and improved team) sometime over the weekend. There may even be pictures.

Siobhan's note: What with the steam-cleaned concourse and the large-headed presidential mascots running the bases, it may be too much excitement for me.
Any and all are welcome to join us. If you want a piece of the action, email me: bosoxsiobhan(at)gmail.com - I promise not to get as drunk as I was at the Deadspin field trip. Saturday is my old man's birthday, which means happy fun family day in VA. That'll be bad enough without a raging gin-based hangover

Go Lilywhites!

2006-07-19T14:30:00.000-04:00

Bill Simmons' decision to start rooting for a (as of yet undetermined) team in the Premiership (that's proper football, a.k.a. soccer, for you uncultured vermin out there) seems to have helped spark a minor revolution. I've seen several other blogs (most notably The Mighty MJD) ruminating over how they would decide which Premiership team they'd be getting behind. Well, I'm already one step ahead of them, having decided over a week ago on Tottenham.

Why Tottenham, you ask? Simple. Siobhan told me to.

Okay, its a little more complicated than that. She simply suggested I look into the Hotspurs (or, as they are affectionately known, the "Lilywhites") and, after doing a little Wikipedia research I decided to go for it, based on the extremely arbitrary critereon that their name was also that of a Shakespearian character I'd really like to play someday.

I've found that, in situations like this one, its always best to use as arbitrary a method as possible when choosing a new team. Frankly, the way most of my favorite teams were chosen was simply by proximity to my place of residence, which is as arbitrary as anything else if you think about it. Especially when you consider that, at the time, the "Washington" Capitals played in Landover, MD. So why should I get the luxury of picking the team I would like the most just because I came late to the party? Would I like to have rooted for France during the World Cup? Yeah, it would have been nice. I genuinely liked Zinedine Zidane. But, I had already decided that Portugal was my team, on the fact that my good friend Chris is part Portugese. I then found myself defending indefensible bullshit flopping by the Portugese team. And defending the indefensible in the name of team loyalty is what being a fan is all about.

(Siobhan's note: I am in no way a Tottenham fan. I back the mighty Liverpool Reds, but I thought it would be fun if Biff were to cheer for the Lilywhites because they are the natural rivals of Arsenal. And for reasons that pass understanding, you can't swing a dead cat around here without hitting a Gunners fan. BTW - what the hell kind of name is lilywhites? Sounds awfully pussy to me. Biff's fucking Portuguese team summarily ran through my Dutch and English teams and for that I hate him a little)

Update: Simmons has picked the Hotspurs as his new EPL team. Let the record show that I was here first.

Welcome, My Lithuanian Brother

2006-07-18T09:20:00.000-04:00

Let me be clear here, I use “brother” in only the broadest sense of the word. I don’t have a drop of Lithuanian blood in my veins. But, I do have a soft spot for young Lithuanian men – remember my in-depth thoughts on Dainius Zubrus (I’d hit it). Additionally, Songaila is a fellow alumnus of Wake Forest University in lovely Winston-Salem, NC (actually I’m an alumna - thanks for that catch, CC - and he is an alumnus, but I fear that distinction is lost on most folks). While the numbers of Wake alum continue to grow in the NBA, I’m always happy to have a fellow Demon Deacon here in DC.

I also freely admit that the NBA isn’t even in my top 4 sports - Christ, even soccer comes in higher – but I am pretty excited about this trade for more than prurient reasons. Songaila adds some strength to the frontcourt. He isn’t afraid to take it inside and also has a pretty sweet mid-range jumper which makes him more verstaile and valuable than most of the Wizards' other big guys. Welcome to DC, Darius. We’re glad to have you.

What The Hell Is Wrong With The Strahan Family?

2006-07-17T10:02:00.000-04:00

So it started out with his estranged wife claiming Strahan is possibly gay. Now we hear that Michael Strahan filmed his then-fiancée’s sister while she undressed. Then he paid her (the fiancée, not her sister) $30,000 to make it go away. I presume the cash bought her silence. Mind you, this is before they even got married. He says she spent exorbitant sums of money. She says he cheated on her and beat her. I'm telling you, when all is said and done, these two deserve each other. If I'm Strahan, I just pay her the cash to make all this shit go away. Unbelievable.

Thank God I'm single.

On a completely unrelated note, I went to see Drive By Truckers on Saturday and half the crowd looked like Adam Morrison - fuzzy porn stache, floppy hair in need of a good shampoo. (Biff's Note: There is absolutely nothing wrong with floppy hair in need of a shampoo.) Mostly covered with John Deere hats. Urban hipster irony is alive and well in Washington, DC. And I want to kick their asses.

Shameless Self Promotion

2006-07-15T17:10:00.000-04:00

It's that time again.

DC Sports Bloggers Happy Hour

2006-07-14T17:09:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to point this out, since hardly anyone reads blogs devoted to hockey.

Not that many people read this one, since it's a lot of hockey. But still...

Summer Doldrums

2006-07-13T00:04:00.000-04:00

Like any true Washingtonian, the months of July and August are dead to me. I am reduced to a sweaty, ill-tempered, frizzy-haired version of my normal self and am incapable of getting anything accomplished. Is it the heat? The D.C. humidity? The summer interns? No. My problem with these months is the lack of any good sports. Yes, there's baseball, but I just can't get into it night after night after night, and if I miss too many games, I feel disconnected and become unenthused. So what to do? I could concentrate on the offseason goings on for the NHL. Or the NFL. Or, in a pinch, the NBA. But as I've said, these things mean nothing to me. If it ain't happening on the field, as far as I'm concerned it ain't happening at all. Unless it involves drunken porn watching while driving and masturbating.

If you're like me, and are stuck with nothing to do but count down the days until the opening kickoff of the NFL, here's a list of things to do with your summer to kill the time:

- Start training to become a competitive eater. You'll probably be eating too many hot dogs anyway.

- Spend some time on YouTube. (This is only on the list as an excuse to pull out my current favorite television commercial.)

- One word: Kickball.

- Something I always enjoy is dressing up like an eskimo and walking around in the 90-plus degree weather and asking people "Hot enough for 'ya?" (Yes, I am aware that I am kind of a loser.)

- Spend some time shamelssly sucking up to other bloggers, hoping that they will link to your own blog. Works for me.

- Whatever you do, do not watch the MLS. I know you're still worked up about soccer after this year's World Cup, and I don't care. If soccer is "the beautiful game" then MLS is the ugly game that soccer brings with it to the bar to make it look better so guys will be more likely to buy it drinks.

(Siobhan's Note: I went to see DC United against Celtic FC and I have to say, I enjoyed the hell out of it. Small but very rabidly engaged crowd. Freddie Adu scored a beautiful goal after a hideous offside trap by Celtic, who, it appears brought their AAA squad to DC. I hadn't seen an MLS game in person since back in the day when my boy John Harkes played for DC United and they won the three of the first four MLS Cups. I might be hooked again. And don't forget Biff. Sometimes the plain girl at the bar with the beautiful dim one is more interesting - and will probably let you have butt sex with her....OK - that analogy just took an oddly disturbing turn.)

Anything you'd like to add? That's what the comments section is for.

Welcome Home, Richard

2006-07-12T23:42:00.000-04:00

Ordinarily, offseason stuff doesn't really interest me. I can't be bothered to keep track of who is signing where and what players are getting traded. If its not happening on the field (or, in my case, the ice) I just can't bring myself to care. As such, I hadn't planned on talking about any offseason NHL stuff on the blog, but today, something glorious happened.

The Washington Capitals traded a second round pick in the 2007 draft for RW Richard Zednik. Zednik was a fan favorite in Washington until he was traded, along with Jan Bulis, to the Montreal Canadiens at the trade deadline in 2001. To this day, I can still tell you exactly where I was when I heard the news that he had been traded (In a car headed north on Georgia Ave, at the intersection of Georgia and Shorefield Rd in Wheaton). At the time, it seemed like a terrible trade, netting only a washed up Trevor Linden and a prospect named Dainius Zubrus, neither of whom contributed much to the teams 1st round playoff exit at the hands of the Pittsburgh Penguins. However, here we are five years later, and Zubrus has finally developed into a pretty good player (with a lot of help from his more notable linemate) and it doesn't seem so bad, especially as he is now one of the longest tenured, most well-respected vetrans on the team. (Siobhan's Note: Dainius Zubrus. Jesus, I wonder what's Lithuanian for "I'd hit it.") Hopefully, this means a chance to see a line consisting of Ovechkin-Zubrus-Zednik, if only because I could call it the OZZ line. Because I like pointless acronyms. And goal scoring.

Once again, much thanks to DCSportsChick for the heads up on this one.

EDIT: It was actually a third round pick. I guess I just put too much value on Richard Zednik.

RFK Make-Over?

2006-07-11T11:18:00.000-04:00

So I awake to news that the Nationals' new owner is going to make some changes to that old piece of shit, RFK stadium. These changes include, but are presumably not limited to:
"...planting flowers and improving the landscaping outside the stadium, steam-cleaning the concourses, adding banners outside the ballpark and staging races between innings around the perimeter of the field by costume characters resembling former U.S. presidents...(Biff's note: Run you stupid fucking president, run!)"
I'm speechless really at the absurdity of it all.
This to improve the flagging attendance numbers? How's about putting a team on the field that doesn't suck, Kasten?
Lipstick on a pig, friends and neighbors. That's what this amounts to.

(Biff's Note #2: Pigs wearing lipstick racing around the field? I would absolutely pay to see that.)

The home run derby is insufferable

2006-07-10T21:52:00.000-04:00

I've mentioned lately that I would like the Opossum-Palooza to be a little less hockey-centric, but try as I might, I just can't seem to get away from it. I'm sure this will change once football season heats up, but that still leaves several other sports unattended to. The solution? In addition to some minor changes to the link section as well as the color scheme, the most important change...

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the newest contributor here at The Opossum-Palooza: BoSox Siobhan. Those of you who patronize the Deadspin will recognize her unique brand of vulgar smart-assery (to which I vow to remain the erstwhile straight man) Think of it this way: If Kissing Suzy Kolber is "Deadspin: All Stars", The Opossum-Palooza is sort of a "Deadspin: Honorable Mention" (Siobhan's note: Speak for yourself, Biff. I think of myself as Deadspin's drunken, indecorous princess). First up: The excitement of the MLB All-Star Game. Siobhan, take it away...

OK - I was going to wait until tomorrow to write about the All-Star game and how full of shit it is, but I am compelled to weigh in here during this damnable HR Derby. I'm bored in a way that no drinking game I can concoct will alleviate...I don't even care if David Ortiz wins or not. I will say this: if that douchebag Berman would quit pronouncing "Papi" like "Pap" smear, I'd be a happy woman. What the hell is the matter with Berman that he can't even get THAT right? But it has been fun to watch the Yinzers in the Allegheny River fighting each other with oars and nets for the long balls. So rather than watching any more of this (and having to watch the ESPY commercials ad nauseum) I'm going out for a beer. So ends my first ever blog post. That didn't hurt a bit.

More Blog Love.

2006-07-09T22:38:00.000-04:00

I would just like to take a minute to once again point out one of my favorite blogs that doesn't have my name attached to it. In this case, it'd be DCSportsChick. Not because she is a woman who likes sports (something that it always sure to tug at my heartstrings, as it were) or because she is the closest thing I have to a regular commenter on The Opossum-Palooza, but because I find her's to be the best Washington-centric sports blog on this here Interweb (yes, its because she gives hockey a fair shake). If you live in Washington, or have any interest in anything DC sports related, you should absolutely be reading her blog before anyone else's.

Why Hockey is Better: Part 23

2006-07-09T10:47:00.000-04:00

Erik Johnson, the first overall pick in this year's NHL draft, has opted to go to college rather than sign with the St. Louis Blues.

There. Now that I've gotten rid of most of you by leading with a sentence about hockey, I can talk about how this relates to the NBA and the NFL. Back in April, I ranted a little bit about one of Dan Wetzel's columns on Yahoo! Sports, in which he decried the NBA's and NFL's age limits for being inherently unfair. I proposed an easy solution, that being letting young guys declare themselves eligible for the draft without losing their amateur status until they sign an actual contract with a pro team. As you can see, this is already the case in hockey, where the Blues will retain Johnson's rights even while he plays "amateur" hockey at the University of Minnesota. If I'm not mistaken, the same sort of thing happens in baseball as well.

The irony of the situation, of course, is that both MLB and the NHL have well-established, legitimate minor league systems set up to develop young players who aren't quite ready for the big time. Whereas, in the case of the NFL and NBA, college athletics basically are their minor leagues. (Yes, I know about the NBADL. No, I don't consider it a legitimate minor league, but at least they're trying a little.) Imagine if, back in 2001, the Washington Wizards could have allowed Kwame Brown to play at Florida without losing their exclusive rights to him, rather than sticking him on the bench at the age of 19. How different would his career have looked?

One of the strongest arguments for an age limit is that the bevy of players leaving college early or, in basketball's case, skipping college altogether, is hurting the quality of play in the college ranks. Kind of a selfish argument from college sports fans, but there's no arguing against it. This year's NCAA Tournament was certainly entertaining to watch, but I doubt you would find many people who would argue it was high-quality basketball. Especially compared to years past. Allowing drafted players to continue in the NCAA would not only solve this problem, it would actually increase interest in the college game. It gives NBA fans who might not watch a mid-season college game a reason to be interested. If you're a 76ers fan, and your team drafts a guy in the first round and now he's playing for the University of Texas, you are much more likely to turn on a Longhorns game. (This also, unfortunately, poses the unique challenge of what to do if your team picks a guy who then goes to play for Duke.) Personally, I virtually never watch college football, but if there was a player on the field who was a Redskins draftee, I would certainly turn on a game, if only to check him out and see how he's coming along.

The thing I don't understand is: Why the different rules for different sports? If a hockey player can get drafted by an NHL team and still play in college, why is the same not true of football and basketball? Doesn't the NCAA make the rules for all college sports, and, as such, shouldn't it be consistent across all of them? Am I just missing something that is completely obvious? If not, why hasn't anyone else thought of this?

The Lesser of Two Evils

2006-07-06T00:36:00.000-04:00

Much has been made (and will continue to be made) of Redskins' safety Sean Taylor's off the field troubles. While I'm not here to argue that Taylor isn't batshit crazy, I do wish that people would remember one thing about him. He is not, nor will he ever be, Kellen Winslow Jr., the player the Skins' very nearly picked in 2004.

Because They Need My Help So Much

2006-07-06T00:08:00.000-04:00

If you're reading this blog, you are probably already aware of the greatness of Kissing Suzy Kolber, which is as fun and exciting as it is brand new. But I figured I'd mention it anyway, since I just now finally got around to adding it to the links on the left hand side. And also to make sure that those guys know what a bang-up job I think they're doing. On the off chance that one of them reads this.

If, by some strange miracle, you've come across my site and have never heard of Kissing Suzy Kolber, go there now.

A World Without Sports

2006-07-05T20:20:00.000-04:00

I really enjoyed this piece over at Forward Progress. I can relate to numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 10, 11, 14.

And I can also especially relate to this:

Will I someday care about how my lawn looks instead of how Mark Prior managed to on the DL for an infinite number of days? I would like to speculate that my new conception of a sports fan would be able to endure the pressures that inevitably come as life progresses but perhaps I am just fooling myself. Perhaps it starts with one missed season because of work/family issues and one begins to realize that sports goes on without you – a thought that is entirely alien to most hardcore fans.

This always scares me, especially as I start missing more sporting events in favor of "having a life" or "having an acting career".

Saying Goodbye

2006-07-05T19:34:00.000-04:00

As sad as I was to see Steve Yzerman retire, I'm probably more sad to see that Jeff Halpern signed with the Dallas Stars. Halpern had spent several seasons as the Caps' captain, and was a great guy to have around. He was a fan favorite just as much for his status as "local boy making good" (Halpern is a native of Potomac, MD) as his play on the ice.

And therein lies the rub. His play on the ice was never all that great. He got away with alot because of his local hero status, and I applaud George McPhee for doing the right thing and letting him go. Especially if the reports that his contract was for $8 million over four years.

Hello. Welcome. Make yourself at home.

2006-07-05T19:13:00.000-04:00

If you were ever wondering what might be a good way to get more people to read your blog, I can tell you the secret. Go out drinking with Will Leitch. Today, this blog has had more hits in the five hours since Deadspin linked to my Stevie Y entry than every other day combined.

So, to those of you who are newcomers, I say welcome. Unfortunately, the Stevie Y entry was not my best work, so I'm kind of sorry you had to see that. Also, I mostly talk about hockey, so many of you are probably sorry you came here in the first place.

If you're still with me, though, feel free to check out the archives for some of my better work. Stick around, because I promise that the hockey talk will fade a little as football season heats up. Then we'll have lots of fun. And feel free to e-mail me (you can find e-mail info in my profile) if there's something you think I should be talking about, or at the very least, leave your opinion in the comments section.

A Sad Day For Hockey

2006-07-03T13:51:00.000-04:00

I was never a fan of the Detroit Red Wings. In fact, I loathe them. I cannot forgive them for what they did to my beloved Capitals in the summer of 1998. Nor can I forgive them for having the most obnoxious fans in the NHL. Or for being the NY Yankees of the NHL for so many years, seemingly landing every marquee free agent on the market most offseasons.

However, in spite of this, I can never have anything but the utmost respect for Steve Yzerman, who for 22 years embodied everything that it means to be an NHL player. He was, and still is, a shining example that all hockey players should aspire to. I place him in the category of "Enemy Players Whom I Can't Help But Respect" along with the likes of Derek Jeter, Donovan McNabb or Emmitt Smith.

So it is with a hint of sadness that I note that Steve Yzerman today scheduled his Hall of Fame induction for the year 2009.